|Reviews for Making the Best of Things|
| Superior Saturday 5/5/09 . chapter 6
BAWW! I love it! Keep going you two!
| mysticLegend11 5/3/09 . chapter 6
So I was thinking about the hate; it's rather reminiscent of the phantom of the opera. But Ares isn't completely disfigured. Actually, he has a very sculpted chest, hehe. A personal theory of mine is that Cada is a girl with the flushing and all.
You should have made the magic binding clearer in the earlier chapters. I didn't quite understand it until now. Keep writing.
| mysticLegend11 5/3/09 . chapter 4
Interesting to see more of Ares' human side. But still, there's something naggingly uncomfortable about this chapter, and it lies with why the people fear him.
So he's a crippled kid who's responsible for the death of his master or something akin. If that's true, why isn't he in prison or facing some kind of punishment?
As far as I'm concerned, when the story starts out with a pickpocket, it gives the sense that the world is cruel, degrading, and unfortunate. Yet the story doesn't quite hold up to its reputation. The soldiers are rather... mild. Had I written it, they would have stolen all of Cada's money, beaten the crap out of him, marked his hand with an X or without a thumb or some angsty plot twist, and when Ares wanted his money back, the soldiers would ignore him and sneer at him, threatening him to do anything about it.
It's the same with the people. It seems like the "townspeople" are all children. Try to emphasize that. That would make a lot more sense, because no matter how ugly or despicable Ares is, no adult living in a harsh world would give a crap about a crippled kid, much less be afraid of him.
And one last thing, how the heck does Ares have this much money by doing menial tasks? If money was so easy to come by, Cada wouldn't have to degrade himself to being a pickpocket; he could just do some of those menial tasks Ares is doing, and he seems to be earning a living for himself.
| mysticLegend11 5/3/09 . chapter 3
Hm... the past two chapters have been alright. I wish there was more character motivation for Ares' actions. It seemed like he just saved Cada's life twice out of whim. Was there a particular reason? An attraction?
The only problem I see thus far is the lack of a coherent, continuous conflict to drive the story along. Although I'm sure that's going to be clarified soon.
| mysticLegend11 5/3/09 . chapter 1
Very lovely beginning. You don't bore us with descriptions or setting, you just establish it.
I particularly like Ares, the poor boy, flawed but likeable. Cada is also a very lovely name.
There's just one plot hole that's bothering me. I find it hard to believe that "the merchant" would supply Ares with so much money to buy supplies that would be ready "in a few hours." It would make much more sense that...
1. The merchant has those ingredients immediately and would give them to Ares to bring home. Considering his Ares' small size, however, I found it unrealistic that he would have to carry so much.
2. OR Ares is sent to deliver a sheet with the ingredients on it, but I find it more likely that he cannot read. He doesn't have the money with him; simply to deliver the message so his master can pick up the ingredients later. No one with the right mind would entrust that much money while he has to wait for a few hours.
I understand it's necessary for the plot, but it could have been structured a bit differently.
| Superior Saturday 1/13/09 . chapter 5
Aww, I liked it alot. The whole deal with Cada being Ares' slave and everything is really cool. I can't wait for the next chapter! YAY YOU GUYS!
| MidnightMoments 1/12/09 . chapter 5
Wow, this is really good so far! It's really funny yet deep at the same time. update soon please! I really want to find out what happens next with those two.
| Superior Saturday 10/18/08 . chapter 4
Aww, I like it! I like it alot! I love the intricacy of the magic and the plotline so far. Keep going!
[P.S., this is cosmo]
| Dreamgirl555 10/16/08 . chapter 1
Oh, wow this is SERIOUSLY detailed! I LOVE IT!
| Ellison P. Asantewa 9/20/08 . chapter 3
Good description, I liked it a lot, and I liked the characters. They seemed very real to me. But, I thought that the flow of the story was a little too fast. I kind of wanted it to slow down a bit, and there were some parts where I thought something was missing.
All in all, i enjoyed it. Keep it up.
| vinny2 9/17/08 . chapter 2
The biggest complaint I have with this chapter is that the dialog is long in length, but short in response. Cada and Ares talk for most of the chapter, but they don't say much when it's their turn to speak. Also, White Room Syndrome is still apparent. I don't know what either Cada or Ares looks like and the only added description given to the was that it's a village. On top of that, you mentioned the king's guard, which means they must be wearing armor that identifies that. I'd like to know what that looks like as well.
On the other hand, your plot is fairly commendable. While there are parts that seem to dabble on endlessly, there is a point to it. The relationship between Cada and Ares starts of rocky. He owes Ares, but he doesn't really feel like living up to that obligation. I'm finding myself enjoying the plot very much.
| Serenity Takaishi 9/15/08 . chapter 1
it didn't get me going... if i didn't HAVE to read it, i wouldn't have. it didn't grab my attention...
original - i'm interested in reading more. even with the beginning not so exciting, it left the rest of the story like... BAM BAM BAM! i wanna read more now.. haha. i like it...
| LaFarfalla 9/14/08 . chapter 1
I like your writing style. It really takes the reader in. I could see the scene being played out in my head. Your main character seems to be a typical thief, although he's more arrogant, I think, than most.
I think this should have been longer. It's long enough to be a prologue, maybe, but not a first chapter. Try combining this with something else you write to increase the length.
| dreamer999 9/13/08 . chapter 1
the chap was like...quite full of description hah, almost like the chapter was just description, the aunt part was a bit more interesting...well it's just me, i get bored by description easily.
And you really should turn this into wizard rp but dramatized! DRAMA IN WIZARD RP!
Pwease? -makes puppy eyes-
If you can't make humor please make it drama!
Or write a wizard rp fic for me and set on humor with aliciaxlavender because I doubt that dream would let me have alicia end up with lavender in the rp.
| Lime-Cat 9/13/08 . chapter 3
I did enjoy your first two chapters even though they were very short and a little cliched. This is particularly because of the way you presented the character's personality and wit in the first person narrative.
The problem that I have with this chapter is the fact that it is in third person narrative. I expected the narration to be passed back to Cada or continue in Ares' POV, not third person. It caught me off guard.
"The thief looked down at both items as though he couldn't comprehend that they
were in his hands, though he instantly tugged the bag back over his head. He looked up at Ares, a frown knitting his brows." - You might want to take out the paragraph break here because it was a little distracting. I'm sure this is Fictionpress' fault though. 3
I'm confused about the whole wolf and lion thing. I can attach some of Ares' personality to that of a lion - like being noble, kind and dominating. But with Cada, there's not much about him that I can connect to the associations of a wolf other than uh...wit?
Nice job overall, but I do wish chapters were longer. Keep writing!