wow... that was incredible. I've been reading ficpress stories for about 4 years now, and I rarely every review, but I really felt I had to review this if simply just to say that it was really, really, really good. I'm so glad I stumbled across it! Her relationship with her mother is incredibly vivid; you really demonstrate the pain she feels. I especially like the ending - "so she doesn't have to see her reflection". So poignant. :applauds:

this is really good. it really hits u. gave me the chills...

Poor Girl... I would hate to have a mother like that. But unfortunately I would of used the words "** it" a long time ago lol. It definately has potential if you ever want to turn it into a full story, I think people would read it for sure.

Grad school hey! Thats exciting! I still have another 2 years before that for me, but thats okay!

PS. I put Touched by Time back up, reworked the way I had been thinking of making changes, if you feel like taking a poke through it

Ah... leave it to mothers to be like this...

Wow, this is amazingly written, but terribly sad! My real name is Emily, but my mother is NOTHING like hers. What a **! I felt so sorry for her! This was great, hun. Good work! Keep it up!
Faith

I'm so pleased to see you writing, even if it's not an update to one of your epic stories. I hope you get the time to give us new chapters soon! Good luck and thanks for posting your marvelous stories.

I love the description given at the very beginning. There was one part that I found a bit confusing:
"She wants to hide him; keep him safe and sound in their dark room, untouched by the evilness outside. Here he is hers. Here there is nothing wrong with him."
It makes it sound as if she wants to keep him safe from her mother's disappointment in him, but he doesn't seem to care much about what her mother thinks? Is it more just that it bothers her that her mother disapproves of him?
I know it's not a huge part of the story, but it stuck in my head.
This was very wonderfully done, though :)
Also, for what it's worth, the Jade Bracelet is quite unique, and I hope you find the time to continue it.

Dude, that's harsh.

Oh my God. That was so sad! And it probably affected me more because my name is actually Emily, LOL. That was just... amazing. Every emotion, the way she felt was just perfectly described. It was heartwrenching, heartbreaking... it was brilliant.

Mil :-)

dang girl! I KNEW there was a reason I have you on my favorites list! Nice job!! :) as for TJB, updates are always appreciated, but as a fellow college student who has little to no free time, I completely understand. :)

I'm not sure where to start with this review. Don't worry about Jade Bracelet, your readers will eb fine with waiting. I was just happy when I'd seen you had written something. A one-shot for your class, well i've read it and i have a few comments.
The beginning with the her reflection sets the pace for the story and the struggle of Emily, our main character. Like when she studied Ben, "...free and uninhibited, completely alive. Everythingi she wants to be."
-
The second scene when Emily meets with her mom is a bit confusing to me. It started of with Emily's thoughts saying she ruined her coffee so Emily refers to herself as she. Then some sentences later, "she"is used again when referring to her mother. I had to read that over a few times to make sure I knew who was talking. Maybe Em should say mom instead.

Besides that, the scene with her mother was a great one.
“You have potential, Emily, and such a beautiful face.” - ((I wanted to cry when you wrote this only because I have heard it myself so many times. This followed by the next statement...))
"If I don’t tell you these things who will? Isn’t it my job to make sure you’re the best you can be? ..."
((This topic of conversation has haunted her for years, a constant reminder that she’s just not good enough.))

And this time I'm glad Ben followed her, though maybe next time, he'll be more assertive and be with her and maybe she can say ** it (maybe not exactly like that lol im sure her mother would be just as surprised as Ben was to hear her use those words. There's a hint of propriety, wealth and sensibilities in Em's background.)


Because even though Ben's love makes her feel better, she's still bothered by it,
(They lie together and watch cartoons, and every time the TV screen fades to black between scenes and commercials she closes her eyes so she doesn’t have to see her reflection.) By not being accepted by her mother no matter how she looks.

She's been brought up too well to ignore the weekly meetings no matter how much it hurts her, a vicious cycle, that maybe in a full length story could have been broken but it's good like this for your one shot.

Sorry if i sound all over the place, hopefully im making sense.

Good job