this was an interesting piece.

Wowza. I really, realy liked this. I love stories that are a bit on the odd side. I particularly like the ending. Brownie points for you, man. :)

Ooh yucky. Nice.

I love the last section with the lines that have repitition like "Never ending! Never, ever ending." and what have you.

And the classroom part. That was neat. I could feel the panic, man. :o

Nice again.

Omigod. O_O
Wowza, loved that.
The end: a shocker and very well executed one.

Starting from the beginning though, the mention of the yellow bus was a good way of introducing the yellowness before it arrives, the fact that Charlie would prefer green kind of sets an unwanted tone (don't know how else to word that thought) to the other mentions of yellow.

Your portrayal of Charlie's emotions is very vivid and honest.
"Class conversation dropped as people became aware of the fact that I was letting off a high-pitched whine, my thoughts thumping the gray matter of my brain into one hysterical internal screech, the likes of which could only be translated by an inaudible noise in my throat." Only one of many.

Loved this line: “Uh. . .that guy who like, fell off his roof and hit his head, and he like. . .became different?”

A lot of lines are very naturally said like his description of himself as "Five-nine and lanky as hell, I know for a fact I don’t weigh much over a buck-fifteen." I love the way you phrase everything, you have a great literary quality to your writing.

"Raving mad, they say, and they came to take me away."
I like that line a lot, for some reason.

"“I’m better now. I don’t see it anymore.”"

"Uh-huh, that’s good. Great!" (She sounds like she cares an -awful- lot :}) "But, Charles, come away from. . .my god! . . .We need medical to East Wing Lounge, stat!”
Very nicely phrased, I do believe that "my god" should have a capitalized "G", though.

"My laughter was sing-song, reminiscent of the naïve innocence of childhood, as I turned sightless eye sockets back to the world beyond the window.
I don’t see the yellow, not anymore."
A little shudder went through me when I read that. I'm a horror-lit fan, so I love it when non-goriness (which there isn't enough of) can give me just as many shivers. It's hard to scare/make readers uncomfortable (in a good way :}) with out grossing them out as well. Nothing came out of the sky, no one died horribly, but it was "scary" in the sense that your suspense is wonderful, we have -no- idea what the hole is, but it gets bigger and your descriptions of it are top-notch. And I felt just how much it scared Charlie.

Descriptions were great. If I copy paste all the parts I like, I'll run out of space.

I think you have a little typo where you say "exorcise". Did you mean "exercise"?

Great piece, good choice of making it first POV.

I'm sure you'll get lots of good feedback from your class!

:) Jo.

wow. it was interesting. lol, it's hard to describe i guess. how did this story fair out in the class?

WICKED! This was so much better that I thought it would be! If your class dosn't find this as hauntingly disturbing as I did, then they are all twits!

... Charles is one effed up character. that was horrible what he was going through from the insanity to the actual pulling out of his eyes.

scary and i dunno what to say. what was the yellow gash supposed to represent through? o.o
i'm slightly confused about that point or does it just represent his insanity?

anyways i think your classmates will be freaked out by the story XD

good job, i liked the story

Shindo :D

omg... so he gouged his own eyes out? SHUWEET!

This is so deliciously horrifying! I was so intent on figuring out what the yellow was that the ending completely caught me flat-footed. Nice. Very nice. The gradual degeneration was very well played out - such a satisfying read!

Um while I am extremely disturbed, I'm also very curious as to what exactly the "yellow" was. I've always hated eye gouging stories (i.e. OedipusR) but it works here. And now, I will not think about yellow.

Nice! Reminds me of a little bit of Lovecraft, as the main character slowly sinks into madness.

Uh...
Okay...
Uh...
What?
Oh em ge...Mr Xanthofile
You sure do know how to sweep a girl off her feet
Tres freaky but damn well-written.
Nice play on adverbs by the end of it
The beginning though...dint really speak to me.
But a nice one shot all the same.
:D

You... are twisted. But then again, that makes you crazy cool. Interesting story... freaky crazy kid. loll

The morbid gore is following me wherever I go. I like it, but others seem to complain about the effect it has on me. I like this one...although I noticed one, maybe two tense-issues, towards the begining. Nothing critical, really. I like the description of the tear...and the yellow infecting people. It's haunting and unnatural. I remember about 7 or 8 years ago, when I lived in Israel, there were some sort of sandstorms, and the sky turned yellow. It was very eerie...

I already read this! But now I can brag about that to EVERYONE!
This really is an amazing story, Xanthie. The switch from third to first made it much better! ><
Loves ya!