I wish very much that you would update, and perhaps explain the gist of what is going on as well. I understand there was bombing.. but why do they have to hide that they are Christians? Will they be killed or arrested or something?

I love it, but I'm a little confused.

nice to see you back :)

Good chappie...but there are only two utilities and 4 railroads in monopoly...

I finally got caught up! I like this version much better than the first; it flows much more smoothly, and I'm not getting so confused with such a large, disparate cast of characters. Are you still working on this? I'd love to read the rest!

It seems a bit lighthearted in an intense situation. like a dream.

nice transitional chapter...

good chapter...I was thinking that maybe the constant running and separation was a little excessive, but I can see a purpose for it now...

exciting chapter...

'Emily closed the door behind her, and held her hands up the air. Her hands were shaking.'

my one suggestion is in places like this (though I didn't note any others), combine the last two sentences '...and held her shaking hands...' it sounds cleaner.

Great job! I'm anxious to see what happens next

just a few typos:

'“The points,” Steve said.' Three points, I'm guessing?

'Emily peeled off her socks, soaking her blistered feet in the lukewarm water with Carmen.' Were they outside at this point? I suggest a small transition...I'm envisioning the fountain away from where Tobias was. It jumped from Tobias' Disney moment to Emily, Carmen and Mrs. Walker.

So, is Emily in 'like' with Batters? You mentioned her shivering (or something) when he touched her neck.

Good couple of chapters...curious to read what's next :)

nice chapter with a little bit of mystery

Now both of the Walkers are getting on my nerves. I guess being shipwrecked (so to speak) in a foreign country brings out the best in them...

Good couple of chapters...Steve's skills make their appearance...:)

I see Mr. Walker hasn't changed...:)

I definitely prefer the chapters, like this one, where there isn't a lot of 'so and so said something to so and so in Italian'. It might be just me, but it seems to distract from the events unfolding. And, if you're going to put the Italian in there, tell us what they said...I know you have mad Italian skills, but I'm guessing that if you're going through the trouble of writing out the language, it's important to the plot. As an example, in ch 4 (I believe), Motorola (I love that!) or Fontor-something (sorry, I'm too lazy to go back and look) makes a comment after someone calls Tobias Mr. Price. I was thinking the Italian was asking T what that was all about, but I can't be sure...and inquiring minds want to know!

Of course, I could be running my mouth for nothing and your plan is to keep the reader uncertain just like Emily is...

Anyway, this was a good chapter...the only thing I noticed is that Anna came out of nowhere...I'm guessing she was Hans' girlfriend or wife...might want to clarify that

I'm betting that going back and forth (maybe using T as a translator) would become very tedious and boring, but it might

"Rugged manly stubble hotness" compared to "some homeless bum"--I love it! I like seeing more interaction between the four young people early on here--Steve's already making his distinct personality known (and clashing with Battersby, unsurprisingly), while Carmen's the peacemaker, and you can see that Battersby is just really, really angry. And it's much clearer this time around that Emily is just trying to grasp it all, while figuring her own life out.

yay Steve! lol

good chappie...will be awaiting the next one. Oh, yeah...where's the romance? hehehe

I was so bummed when I finally got back here after not having a chance to read anything for so long, and saw that you'd taken the story down! I'm glad to see it back. I like the revised version, especially the little details we're getting of Emily's pre-Italy life, and getting to see more of her thought processes. Can't wait to see what you're going to do with the rest of the story!