I really love how you placed the breaks. It adds substence to the poem and makes it slightly more dramatic. Also, the repetition of the heart stopping and the rain falling is very good. :)

hi !

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"the morbid beauty of disaster" an amazing line, from an excellent poem!

amazing. this could be proffesional

Wow, this is amazing! It has such an awesome flow! I have one suggestion. This is going on my favorites!

I would add an it to the last line...

Then it stops.

Wow, this is beautiful. And so is the story it tells. Loved it :)

Absolutely loved! Tells a story and says something about life.

amazing... i wanna add it to my C2..

best wishes

- tiffy

Wow. You said you wanted people to like it because it had allot of meaning to you, and i just want to say i LOVE it. Amazing.