At first, I sort of sympathized with the girl.
She seemed a bit naive and really pretty,
like a princess type. But then I got to the part
about how the old man only smiles for her,
and I sort of forgave it all.

Loved it, the descriptions were beautiful and the characters very vivid, and I enjoyed it so much!

This was beautifully written. I just loved your use of imagery. You described the characters flawlessly. It just really showed how pointless beauty can be.

You said it was random, but I still think it was good~

• Jessie my l o v e
p.s. pay it forward

I found it interesting that these two people were defined in terms of phyiscal beauty. In fact everything in this piece was define in terms of beauty. I don't know if that was your intention but it gave the piece a shallow tone.It felt as if the man's only fault was being ugly and old. There was no indication that he was cruel to her. Likewise i t seemed the girls only quality was being beautiful. I was clear that she was neither sweet, nor gentle. If that was your intent it was conveyed wonderfully.

The imagery was good however I felt it was too much. After a while it seemed to be interrupting the flow of the story. However it does contribute greatly to the tone so perhaps it should stay as is.

This Review has been brought to you by the the Review Game's Review Marathon. (link in my profile)

Nicki :P

It was an interesting story. I liked the flashbacks, the summary, and the wonderful shortness of it. Nice work. =]

~Twilight Starr

it was really good, nicely well-written! oh and the first line really caught my attention good job.

He is fat and old and ugly. She is slim and pretty and young.

I think the repetitive and wasn't necessary. Should be He's fat,old and ugly. Same with the next one.

I liked the many adjectives you used to describe the scenery.It gives the reader a much better image of the site.

One thing I disliked is that you kept on repeating some of the stuff over and over only using different words and that was quite annoying.

That was an advanced piece. you are very talented

it has a wonderful message

I had a rather large and detailed review written for this, until my technological ineptitude meant that I lost it. Drat.

Well anyway, here are some of the bits I remember writing:
"Seamless perfection." Pardon me, but is that a pun? Anyway, it implies that she is manufactured and artificial rather than authentic. Whilst she is seemingly perfect, she is truly anything but. Alas, the craftsmanship of the facade is exquisite and undetectable.

"Serenissima"... just where do you come by such fantastic, wonderful, enticing general knowledge? I must admit that there is a hint of the green eyed monster in me, as ashamed as I am to so envy a cyber stranger lol.

I found myself as suitably impressed, or perhaps more so, than I was envious. Flawless, detailed description set the scene and truly conveyed the beauty in the mirror crack'd.

Kudos,
Alexis

The beginning and ending were superb. You wrote this very well, its like a tapestry, every sentence or thread connected and winding about the other, from beginning to end. The characterization is flawless, in my humble opinion, and the dialogue was easy and real. The inserts of the memories were very well done, no melodrama or over describing, but a vivid picture was painted. I hope that this isn't the end.

- Aranel

This is very unique! I really like it. Firstly, for the descriptions! They're just beautiful and, at times, a little on the unorthodox side, but it always worked. Very well done; I could picture this story in my head perfectly.

Another thing that I just adored was the formatting, the use of the flashback quotes, for lack of a better term. It really filled the reader in bit by bit, and I like that. Not all the information was just thrown at the reader all at once.

Overall, a wonderful piece!

Its odd, but I like it!. There are a few problems though. Right off the bat you use the word slim twice like 15 words apart. The description of the water that follows is really nice though, but, you use water twice within like fifteen words. Try going to a thesaurus website if you have trouble thinking of synonyms, using the same word in close repition doesn't sound nice. With a couple changes though, that first paragraph would be great and poetic.

Overall, I like your descriptions ALOT. They have a mystical quality, example.

He doesn’t seem made for this enchanted dusk, for exquisite city of light, Serenissima, floating on lapping green waters.

Your descriptions are actually some of the coolest I've read. I hope you continue this.