If only I could concrit better I would offer you some good advice but alas, I am just a novice. What I did like was the strong contrasts in imagery and the rhyme scheme was nice. It really seemed to flow well too. Maybe all of the -oon rhyming was a bit much but after all it is still a wonderful poem. Keep on writing.

This is your prize review for the May Review Marathon! Congratulations. :)

What I loved best is your rhyme scheme in this. It seems very complex, so I applaud all the thought you must have put into this to accomplish that. Plus, the effect the rhyming had on the poem was gorgeous; the words you chose to rhyme helped the flow tremendously. And then you used quite a lot of alliteration in this, which was just a lovely poetic quality to put into the poem. Nice rhyming!

Second, your tone was good. It was impressively melancholy, even without consistently sad word choices. The tone complimented the imagery well, too. It was haunting enough to do the picture of the wolf and the full moon its full justice.

A very interesting poem. Your style in writing this is really unique (particularly the phrasing; the structure's almost inverted sometimes). :D
-Peach/Kate

I'm not really sure I get it... lol, but I enjoyed reading it. I think the rhyming was pretty good. It flowed well and created a nice feeling. I did have one issue in every stanza except the second one you end it in lonely loon. I would either do it all that way or do a few other ones not that way, just so the second stanza doesn't seem odd. Still, interesting piece. Your descriptions are nice.

FftF review!

The rhythm of the poem felt a bit inconsistent at first. After reading through several time, I was able to find it, but the different line lengths in each stanza obscured and interrupted the rhythm.

The "lonely loon" and "rising moon" got a bit repetitious. You have them appear too close together, and it was a bit annoying at first. Once I shut up my inner Grammar Nazi/editor, it sounded nice. The rhyme scheme of every third line was a nice change from the common every other or every line rhyme. It gave this vilanelle a nice chiming quality, once you overcame the repetition.

With all the rereading I did, the subject became clearer. My interpretation was that the loon's song signifies the end of night, which both the loon and the wolf mourn, hence "And bird and beast amend."

In short, you might want to look at working the lines into more consistent length so that they rhythm is more easily apparent. I also saw some punctuation that isn't necessarily grammatically correct, but it didn't disrupt the flow of the poem. Overall, I quite enjoyed reading this and seeing how the meaning slowly revealed itself.

Review Game!

It took me a few reads to see that the last word of each line rhymes with the last word of another line. I was caught up in the beauty of the subject that's being portrayed to actually notice it immediately - it required somewhat close inspection on my part. Haha. I did find it slightly difficult to grasp the concept of daylight extending. There are a couple instances where I thought the structure of the line sounded a bit forced in order to adhere to the rhyme scheme: 1) "and broken souls it mends", 2) "Darkness and light both shall attune" - these sound a bit antiquated while the lines in other stanzas are modern/contemporary.

The structure is interesting to say the least. I drew out the patterns to see that the repetition using a slight variation of a previous line works very well. It's almost as if I was entranced in the beauty behind the image and sounds depicted in the poem. The final variation of both prevalent lines in the last two lines of the last stanza close up the piece well. It did bother me a little bit that in the 5th stanza, you already have "Darkness now weakens and swoons". In the last stanza, the word "Darkness" is repeated at the beginning of the stanza and it didn't particularly work for me. I was also wondering where "bird and beast" came into the picture. Perhaps I missed something that described the "lonely loon" as a bird because I can clearly see the wolf as the beast.


I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed this poem mainly because of the subject matter of a wolf howling(?) at the moon in a sad song. I think it's a fresh look at a commonplace subject. The one instance where a rhetorical question was posed in the second stanza added to the power of the poem. I wouldn't say that is the central theme of this poem though. To tell the truth, I'm having a little bit of difficultly trying to find the central theme of this poem. Perhaps it is the philosophy that all things must come to an end regardless of its beauty? I also find it interesting how the poem encompasses the time frame of one night of a full moon(?); it's almost as if you took a scene, froze it and delved upon the emotions it had on you. After reading this poem several times over, I feel I can empathize with the wolf and it is a rather sad but beautiful feeling...almost euphoric.

I took on a very literal approach when interpreting this poem, so please do tell me if I am wrong in my approach. As a final note, I had mentioned that I was bothered by a succession of tercets and ending with a quatrain but I deleted that comment when I actually took the time to look up a villanelle. haha.

~Lime

hm... i don't like this one as much as some of your others. There was just way to much "moon" and "loon" to the point where it got a little irritating.

i didn't really get what it was about either. its quite vauge - but then again if you had put in any more detail it wouldn't have worked.

all that said you had some good imagery here :)

xoxox

It almost sounds melodic. Beautiful and tragic, you should write a small piece to this. What I loved most about this was the title (Lovely!) and this stanza:

"Darkness and light both shall attune
And bird and beast amend.
The wolf is lulled by the falling moon
and the sad song of a lonely loon."

I can just imagine the much deeper imagery assocated with this image: Sunrise with a wolf looking out to a pond and to the fading moon. Very pretty.

Loon seems to be a reappearing thing in this poem...hmm...loons do have a depressing song. I can just imagine this poem set to a score of loons and lonely howls with piano.
Not much to critique--actually nothing. It was a well done piece and I loved it.

- AABAT

That actually made me cry. I imagined the loon standing all alone. Wow I can't believe how choked up that got me! great job!

Now, i could be wrong, but i think this had a kind of Edagar ALlen Poe feel to it. The repittion of lines reminded me of Bells. But as the poem came to a close, the repitition became annoying. the poem also reminded me of Ernist Hemmingway, as he did not use very many adjatives, or adverbes, this is not a bad thing, but it is not a good thing either. the perspective is a little strange for me, i had always thought that the Wolf was nocturnal, or at least mostly nocturnal. I did like the poem. out of all of the poems i read and even most of the poems i write, they all deal greatly on the topic of love and romance and honestly i am sick of it. Poems should be more than Suicide notes or desciptions of girlfriends. keep writting i like your style.

Thanks very much for your review - first I've had for years heheh ;) Baah, I should submit new stuff I suppose. Anyway.

This is quite an awesome piece - the images and slow language give it a great haunting atmosphere. I love the refrains too (though it took me a moment to remember that a loon is a type of bird - i kept thinking you were on about a random mental patient at first ;P)

The only wrinkle I can find is that the rhythm sometimes stutters a bit. The line 'Darkness and light both shall attune', for example, rushes slightly; just a minor alteration like 'dark' instead of 'darkness' would make it both smoother and more powerful (maybe 'shall both' instead of 'both shall' as well, although that's just personal preference on my part... well, any suggestion is just personal preference, but that one's even more personal-preferency, if you know what I mean :P). If you can get that 'dah-DAH-dah-DAH-dah-DAH-dah-DAH' rhythm going for all the lines, it'll be not just epic (as it is already :P) but epically epic.

Finally: you're only 14, and you write this well? I'm going to go off and sulk now.

;)

I LOVE VILLANELLES. haha. sorry, I had to say that. I seriously love them, and you did awesome with the form! it reads really well, with a beautiful flow.

From the review game:
...Your poem was really organized, but I liked the twist at the end, when there were 4 lines in the stanza instead of two. The completion of each stanza was great becasue it left enough thought for the next stanza, but enought to sort of close off that specific section.
...Your adjectives were good, but some were a little common like "rising" in the first line and "sad" in the last. the adjectives like "lulled" and "mournful" caught my attention because they were words you don't usually hear.
...I think the rhyme pattern you had was very unique. I liked how the fist and last of the stanza's lines were rhyming and the middle line rhymed with the middle line of the stanza before, very creative. It has a great effect on the reader because it makes you think about the pattern.
...The repetition of the line /as a wolf is lulled by the rising moon./ was kind of boring, though, considering it was a third of the stanza, but it was good becasue you alternated between that line and /and the sad song of a lonely loon./ (I have mixed feelings about that) This kept me hooked from the title. It's quite creative, the contrast between big/small.
Really great poem!

First off I'd like to congratulate you on an awesome poem. Now that the very generalized comment is out of the way let's get to the details.

The flow in this poem is much like that of a moving river, it's not too fast but it still has a good flow. A few rocks slow it up here and there when reading aloud it seems, but it just flows right around them.

The word choice is very complimentary, as each word seems to fit in perfect unison with each other. It amazes me how well you picked words and they link like chains. Each word there makes sense, and so that is good. I like the repetition that is used here as well, it is used well and keeps driving home that point.

Other comments I have are all good. The poem itself produced in my mind a wonderdul image or a wolf howling at the moon as a bird swooped around it's head, but yet it wasn't an aggressive picture, but one of calm and friendship(between the loon and the wolf.) Standing upon a rock overlooking a river, the two companions seem to have a bond. Or so it seems.

Wonderful job.

Negasi

Wow. I really love this.

Spelling is great, no grammar errors. Repitition works well. Really liking the imagery I'm getting from this.

Great poem. Hope you got a really awesome grade for this.

~Caecilia, down at the Roadhouse

First of all, I love the repetition and the rhymes you used in this poem. It reminded me of the distinctive call that a loon has, that and ripples in a lake, for some strange reason. :)

I think it was a very lonely and lovely piece of work. My favourite line was 'Darkness now weakens and swoons'. Lovely. I hope you got a good mark in English class for it!

Just a side note- you spelt amend wrong in the title. You spelt it right in the poem though.

-Stardust.