So I was looking back at my review history and decided to check out this story again ... and then I found out that you were removing all your stories. My first reaction was "no this is awful!" but my second reaction is one of understanding. I kind of feel I've outgrown a lot of the stories on FP (with certain exceptions, such as yours), so I kind of know, from a reader's perspective, what you're feeling. That said, Chemistry was one of the few stories that I read and loved and followed pretty religiously every time you updated. I just thought I'd let you know that. And, honestly, with all the crappy plagiarism going on lately, maybe this is for the best. I've loved your stories since I first found Chemistry, and I honestly hope to see your work again someday. Thanks for providing me multiple procrastination reasons over the years. =)

and I loved the awkwardness of the hands thing with Eli and Hannah. and poor Ashley, who killed her? Could it have been Jimmy? or maybe not... Great writing. Please update soon.

Jimmy's just a violent little bitch, isn't he?
Anyway, I'm loving the story. And it's title. It makes me laugh. I'm also loving Eli because he's tall, blushes, is very, very nice, and has nice hands. If he spoke sign language, I'd probably be so happy that I'd start hyperventilating (I've got some weird OBSESSION about guys who speak sign language, but never mind that). I can't wait for more! I like the mystery aspect of this story, too. Very, very awesome.
--aka

The chapter ending was cute - I particularly liked this line: 'It was like salt in a wound, and I groaned like a woman in pain.'

The plot is a bit too thin. I'll be honest and admit I found myself scanning, unsure how I should feel about the character's and where it was all going. Don't get me wrong, it's well written, but didn't grab me like chapter 1. I actually think you could combine chapters 3 and 4, delete half and not lose much from a character development standpoint.

Good luck as you continue. I think you have talent, and I might check out your other entries.

From a plot perspective, I'm not sure I took away much from this chapter. As a reader, I've seen the emotions reflected in chapter 2. I get to meet the family a bit more - but I'm not certain how that ties in.

In Chapter 2 and Chapter 3 you did not return to your interesting hook in Chapter 1 -- where is Ashley. Dangerous to wait so long...

This time I will comment on dialogue. Your word choices are good - they share with me the age and state of mind of the character. But the flow again, is choppy:

Example: “That is not true!” Leslie was already shaking her head in disagreement before I could finish.

“It is. The last time you asked was when you and Lucas broke it off.” I looked away sheepishly.

“Well Lucas was distracting. You know how clingy he was,” I joked. Leslie seemed skeptical.

“I only know how you were,” she replied. I smarted from the blow.

I would combine this like so: "That's not true!" Leslie shook her head in disagreement.

“It is. The last time you asked was when you and Lucas broke it off.” I looked away sheepishly, “Well, actually, Lucas was distracting. You know how clingy he was.”

Leslie seemed skeptical, reminding me, "I only know how you are."

The line break on the same speaker caught me off guard - and I'd keep the reaction of the speaker with the dialogue.

And I'd use 'said' more. It's invisible to the reader. You're characters are hedging, interupting, sighing, responding -- you don't have to work so hard.

I like how your main character is coming along. I can empathize. Nice work there.

Overall, I like the set up. The one thing that struck me through was the way you *perhaps intentionally* keep your paragraphs so short. For example: Ashley Macintosh had been the type of girl people just wanted to know.{new line}She was a good daughter and friend. She was beautiful, popular, and even more astonishingly, she was a genuinely nice person.{new line}She was also very, very dead.

One line paragraphs are powerful - they should be used sparingly. This intro would have been better with the first break eliminated - then the second dramatic statement would have "popped". I could count a half a dozen (at least) unnatural paragraph breaks, and I found it actually broke the flow, rather than enhanced it.

The characters seem interesting. I'll read on.

Like this chapter *big smile*. Aww Eli seems super super sweet! I wish I knew a guy like Eli. But eww when Jimmy spat on him! Eww ew ew! I imagined it... Ashley actually seems really nice though, if in a slightly weird way. I only recently realised that she was the girl mentioned in the first chapter :O

Oh my goshums! Austin and Leslie! Wow, how old are they? Because school's different in England so I don't really know what high school and college are in America. Anywhoozles, aww poor Hannah, it's a shame that she was drunk. Totally random but have you heard of Austin Drage? Probably not because he was on a British talent show, oh my gosh he is amazing! Just everytime I read Austin's name in your story, I picture him lol you should youtube him. I love Elijah! :D

Great chapter. I love Eli and Hannah's new-found friendship, Eli's a great guy, and he tones down Hannah's drama a bit. I loved the scene with Hannah, Eli and Jimmy. I feel a bit sad about Ashley's impending death, now that we've got to know her a bit better. she's a nice person. Great writing. Please update soon. What will happen between Leslie and Hannah?

I LIKE this story. I like it a lot.

oh no, crime in the next chapter? I'm a bit worried and excited.

The Jimmy altercation was so lovely... in a I heart Eli type of way. What a sweet guy. =) Love him! I also love that everyone now knows what a creep Jimmy is (really - spitting on people?). Hopefully Hannah's taste in guys gets better.

So there's no back story to Leslie getting engaged? I just felt like the situation should have been a little more complex and Hannah didn't let Leslie fully explain herself? But that's probably because I found it so improbable that Leslie would actually make such a drastically bad decision.

Oh Eli! I'm so proud of him, and of Hannah as well. I'm ready for the mystery bit to begin, though!

Good chapter. I like Eli more and more. :) And Hannah. Maybe she's self centered, but she *is* starting to grow up. Oh, and Ashley was sweet. I liked that she actually sought Hannah out to tell her all that stuff.

Jimmy is such a loser. I almost pity him, it must be hard needing to seek so much respect and attention all the time.

Can't wait to read more! I love this story. :)

I SO want ot be on Hannah's side for all of this and paint her as the victim in this... but I think Leslie kind of had a point with how Hannah only needed her when she broke up with someone. And there has to be a reason why she doesn't really have many close friends. Of course, on the other hand, it sounds like Leslie's been pretty wrapped up with her boyfriend (fiance?) so that's kind of hypocritical. And... marriage? WHAT?