 simpleplan13 2008-10-08 . chapter 1"That listening to/Your words, as I intently do,"... this line break seemed odd to me, which kinda made the rhyme seem a bit forced
"Singing idle tunes, watching ages/Pass by. Maybe we"... same with that one
I also didn't like how you use parrot and rot and then parrotting and rotting cause the repetition seems odd and it doesn't really rhyme.
I did like the piece. Your descriptions were really great and I liked most of the rhyming. I also liked the random alliterations like in the first line and "caged canaries" and "canary classroom" Nicely done. |