 dragonflydreamer 2008-10-23 . chapter 1I like the way you said "silent wind howls." It was a beautiful contrast, especially because you obtained it in only one line.
As to fixing the syllable count, my suggestion would be:
The silent hill howls.
Trees, a hill, awoken by
new technology.
It sounds a little choppy, but it wouldn't change too much of the wording.
Anyway, nice work! |
 simpleplan13 2008-10-18 . chapter 1I guess howls can be one syllable (though I see it as 2), but technology is not one syllable. So I think you need to work on the haiku aspect of it.
I do think the description was interesting, going from nature to technology. I like how it's ambiguous so you can make your own meaning, but I also like how you explain your meaning behind it because I like knowing author's inspirations.
PS If you're bored check out the Review Game forum and/or it's Review Marathon (link in my profile). |