I really like the beginning with the rhyming words, it adds a lot to the piece. I also like your punctuation, it helps create flow and I really like the hyphens towards the end. Nice job.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game forum and/or it's Review Marathon (link in my profile). Also, I see in your profile that you're an artist, you might like their artist-author trade topic.

I'm really loving the rhyme in the first two lines and the language you used overall. This poem has a raw sort of beauty. Take care.