Firstly, the big paragraph in italics. I feel like it was a major infodump without info, you know what I mean? There was Tray and Antonio did this and that and that and this and on and on and on... It didn't really sound like a natural thought process to me.

Your dialogue sounds a little forced in places. I know you want Sonja to sound really **, but it sometimes sounds like you're trying a bit too hard.

Also, your grammar and spelling's a little off... " “Please stop it.” She begged, " should be " “Please stop it,” she begged, " . And lightning has no 'e' in it. Perhaps proofread some more before you post?

Blessed Be,
TLP.

I think this is a pretty interesting premise for a story. Congrats! Since supernatural stories are so popular nowadays its hard to come accross something this an ounce of origionality and you've done a great job with it.

I also love how you describe to the reader exactly what type of supernatural/fantasy type story thier reading, in this case it's about guardian angels. I hate it when I have to sift through the first few chapters to find out, but I guess I'm just impatient like that, lol.

The whole thing about the "higher-ups" cracked me up. Its a good way of conveying what Darren means without busting your back trying to do so.

One thing that kinda set on me wrong was the fact that an guardian angel cursed. Since I don't read this type of story very often, I don't know if it's common or not. I just thought I'd give you my two cents'.

I found a typo I believe: “Okay, who is it and where to they stay?” I think you meant "do."

Overall, this is a very nice start. Best of luck on it! :)

Oh, I'm gonna keep tabs on this! This looks like a really good story so far. I really love the idea that some love is so strong it can carry through even lifetimes. Eternal love... Only so wonderful when fantasized. But I'm pretty into this story, anyway! Lol, sorry. Tangents are my specialty. XD

You are just keeping us thirsty for more !

this is really good so far.
and i can't wait to see how it goes.

but did you know that chapter 2 is in your chapter 1?
just wanted to let you know.
i hope you keep writing because i want to see how this goes on.
:)

i really like this story, i hope to read more soon.

i read this story too!
loved it then and i'm sure i will now.:]

wow, I like the thing about love and loved, since it's true, I mean how can someone loves someone who isn't?

You have a knack for dialogue. The different things that the characters say feel real and personal, something that must be commended. You could've added some imagery throughout, all to make the non-dialogue lines a bit stronger in their impact, but overall, your dialogue shines. It was rather strange to end the chapter there, but you noted why in the author notes. You could've developed the characters a bit more too, just to make the situation a bit easier to picture.

Overall, though, good job.