I really like the first two lines. "Battery low, recharge required" sets the theme well. The 'tone' sounds like it's actually from a computer or something. A neat thought. It's so consistent. :)

In the second stanza, "...so I'm not constantly fading" sounded a little weird to me. A little... flat? I think a semicolon and "I'm constantly fading" would sound better. Something along that line. A contrast would make it more interesting; as is, the line's too much of a statement to really pop out. (I think that makes sense.)

"before I am replaced with the newest high-tech model." I love this ending! It's so materialistic; I think that emphasizes your point in the poem nicely, and it sounds lovely, too. ;)

People overlook form sometimes in poems. This poem is very 'clean' and organized well. So I appreciate that.

Congrats on first place in the RM!

Review Squader for the Review Marathon,
-Peach/Kate

Wow it was great! I would never think of a metaphor like that! Well done..

I thought the last stanza was refreshing! It makes the piece more light! Hope you're feeling better now, though ;-)

The shape of this poem struck me; it looks like one of those ancient little cyber pets (aka as tamagotchis?)

Even though the summary refers to you, I "heard" the narrative voice as the voice of some little electronic pet, dependent on batteries even more than humans (but then I understood this as a metaphor within a metaphor).

Nice work.

This metaphor would be a little cheesy, but I think that you pull it off pretty well.
I like the simple line of "I don’t want to die". It says the most, I think.

The last two lines are also interesting. I guess that's what a lot of us are afraid of, being replaced.

I liked the metaphor, but some of the lines, especially the middle verse, seemed a little cliched.

I agree that this metaphor is a bit cliche, but you made it work just the same.

I especially enjoyed the last stanza: "please, please, show me the way / before I am replaced with the / newest high-tech model." This was an amazing line! You turned the cliche metaphor into something that was entirely your own.

Overall this was a fantastic piece. great work.

~Habs :)

(Working my way down your profile now, haha).

Hahaha, I liked this, I found it sort of humorous.

It was straightforward in what's happening to the narrator, but who the narrator is is up to interpretation, which I like. For all I know, it could be taken literally and the narrator is actually a robot who escaped and can't recharge itself. Or "energy" could be a metaphor for something else; love, perhaps.

I did think the usage of the words "high-tech" was sort of awkward, though it tied in with the rest of the poem. It's probably the reason for the literal interpretation of the narrator being a robot, haha.

- Review Marathon, link in profile.

oh,kol =P

Wow! This is really good, and I don't even like poetry! I guess I like how simple and straightforward it is. You should really consider trying to get this published in a lit magazine or something. :)

I really enjoyed the metaphors in this poem. As I read, I could relate to the feeling of being exhausted (or in this case, being low on battery). The poem seemed very brief, yet it was precise and told me a lot in several short phrases.

I'm not sure what constructive criticism I could give you; it seems that everything is all right here. Overall, it was very interesting to read!

Very interesting, made me think of an iPod in a way.

I like the metaphor. :)

Since I was a very bad Santa, I must make extra efforts to make it up to you by presenting you with another well-deserved gift.

This is an interesting perspective - I see the speaker as a talking phone and it's quite humorous for me even though this poem is categorized as angst. I love how the speaker is ambiguous because it really opens up to more interpretation. And, any written work that is very open to interpretation is simply a joy to read. Ho Ho Ho.

At first glance, the meaning behind this poem is that of a battery needing to be recharged. But if one thinks about the constant power cycling of a battery, they soon realize that with time, the battery will not hold its original charge capacity as when it was new, which brings forth the reason why there is such dire need "before I am replace with the newest high-tech model." The concept is nicely thought out and while some people may want to have this concept clarified within the poem, I would say that it should be left out because in this day and age, people should have a general understanding of battery life what with all the electronics we have in our lives.

Structurally, the fact that the poem starts off with a quatrain and then abruptly changes to tercets bother me. I am all about consistency and symmetry because it gives the poem a balanced, clean appearance. However, I see why the first stanza is a quatrain instead of a tercet - to emphasize "Battery low," and "recharge required." Of course, I hope that you play with the structure a little. What about exploring the subject starting with a fully charged battery that's losing power fast? It could be a variation of this poem or a whole new poem altogether - the possibilities are endless! Oh, how fun.

I get a hint of urgency after reading this poem, but I felt the need for more since it is virtually a life or death matter - excuse the pun. Is there more at stake here than being simply replaced? What about being scrapped? I mean, being discarded is one thing, but being discarded AND shred to pieces is a whole different magnitude. Don't get good ol' jolly Santa wrong, this poem is good, but I feel that this has the potential to be great. (Yes, that was a play on tony the tiger from frosted flakes.)

The reindeer are getting finicky outside so I best get goin'. Happy Holidays, mini martini legend.

Signed with a nice cup of hot cocoa,
Your Secret Santa

No more cookie crumbs this time.

Congratulations on RM November!

I think it's a good metaphor for exhaustion. It's original while being easy to ounderstand and relate to.

However, dying and fading are kind of human. I mean, we say batteries die, but it's not like they were ever really alive.

I don't think I liked the line about being replaced. Batteries and humand can both be replaced, definitely, but I don't think people get replaced because they're exhausted.