hi. this one has a mechanical clunking sound that illustrates pretty well how leaving out some greasy and gritty words can sometimes pump up writing remarkably.

take line 1. 'the' is always risky. what voice? which one? and how abt the helper verbs? let's make this bolder, more declarative, like 'god's voice abandoned me.'

line 2. the 'x of y' formulation likewise is always risky, and 'which has so' seems to threaten the poem jumping the tracks and plunging to fatality. how abt simply 'life's dependable chronometer fallen dumb'

line 3. wonderful as is, or 'the greatest stories remain untold'

lines 4/5. i stumble, cos i don't think you mean you're no longer reduced to shadows, but you no longer wear a face. see the ambiguity? omitting the filler 'so' one obtains 'i, who wore a face, am consigned/to the shadows, to haunt a color-drained world'

lines 6/7/8. fine; the dictator simile is terrific. not sure 'reigns' is quite adequate; maybe find a synonym for more actively 'lording it over.' might or might not contract it is to it's.

lines 9/10. again, i'd kill 'so', and here maybe modify the time a bit: 'it's easy to disappear behind closed eyes, wholly erased and/forgotten: never to have been.'

rather minor (apparently) adjustments with (imo) radical impact on tone. it's the sleight of hand that the reader never sees.