I like the repetition in this poem. It really helps with the structure.

I wasn't sure about your use of parentheses ( ) for the first '(Minus the suicide, of course.)' but not the second. I suppose it could show that the ideas are coming through more strongly, but I think it would have been better either without them completely or having both '(Minus the suicide, of course.)' like that.

I also like the structure of this poem. I think it's clever because it seems as though it's almost split into three parts, with a new thing being introduced each time.

Keep writing!

-Amy