This was a pretty nice short story. It was cute and funny in a gentle way. I really like the way how you drive out his character in such a short amount of time. I also like the dialogue a lot, it seems so, cute. Lol.

“Look… that’s like… one million, two thousand five hundred! I’m rich!”

“Umm, okay? Go away please…”

That was my favorite part. Anyways, great writing, cute story.

I like Mellow's name as it is almost ironic because he really isn't very mellow. This makes the character more interesting. Also I liked how Mellow just starts screaming in the middle of the resturent when he wins and everyone is staring at him because it is just a funny picture to have in your head. Interesting story :D.

this was a very good story! just the right amount of detail and suspense, very good! you might want to elaborate a little more about him in the beginning, but other than that, great job!

Review Game! (Well, hello again...=O)

1.) “Mm, double cheeseburger,” Mellow moaned(,) closing his eyes to picture the mouth-watering sandwich.

Needs a comma.

2.)"...he smiled, handing her the dollar once more(,) it was a good thing all drinks were only a buck."

Should be a semicolon instead of a comma.

3.)"...Mellow took the pop and (when) to take a seat."

'Went', not 'when'.

4.)"There were dozens of squares with multiple stickers and trains(,) and colors fluttered around it."

Needs a comma.

5.)"Each of the colors had some sort of sticker(,) that had been part crumbled in the shoving of in and out of his pocket."

You don't need a comma there, 'part' should be 'partially', and this part:

"...in the shoving of in and out of his pocket." Should be rephrased.

6.)"It was bright pink and read “States Avenue”."

The period should be inside the quotations.

7.)"...the ‘map’ for a bright purple(,) he had won 2,0 along with his railroad."

Comma should be a semicolon.

8.)He was poor, only affording to eat at McDonalds for super everyday, because of the Dollar Menu that was available.

It's 'supper', not 'super,' and 'only affording...' should be 'he could only afford...'

9.)“I won!” he screamed, throwing up his arms, uncapping the pop cup and splashing the entire floor, and many costumers with stick(y), dark liquid.'

'Sticky' needs a 'y' at the end.

10.)'He was one of the weirdest kid(s) in school...'

'Kids' needs an 's'.

11.)“I(')ma buy this place! Haha! Then… I can eat here everyday…” the smile on his face grew bigger as he continued to stand and stared in amazement.'

'Stared' should be 'stare.'

This did make me laugh, because Mellow kind of reminded me of Homer Simpson. XD And I liked the part about the coke splashing on everyone. *chuckle* I also liked the part about him being poor; it was an interesting twist.

-Ramen

Aww that was funny and cute. I like Mellow. He's simple and he doesn't care what other people think about him. I think it's so cute how when he wins the million all he thinks about is buying the McDonalds where he's had so many nice memories.

This was very well written. I like your writing style. I especially like the line "George was staring up at him, (probably aggravated his face was getting trampled) ready to be spent." It's a good mix of personification and humor!

All in all, a cute funny little story. Well done!

I've come so close to winning. So very, very close.
That Monopoly game has a way of toying with your emotions.
Summed up perfectly. I liked it.

Oh, this was cute! Haha. Mellow sounds like a silly sort of guy. The story itself was a bit silly, a bit strange, sorta crazy. But again, you were saying that it's nothing special but a little humor, and it presents itself as exactly that to me, the reader. All in all, it was fun and satisfying. Like a McDonalds shake.