the style is definitely fantastic. i, too, am a *huge fan of the unconvential boldings/italicizing/parenthetics...all of it.
y&r

very powerful, indeed.

Hey midget
this one would be good for one of your 'weekly songs' if you play around with it a little...
xo

this is beautiful. i love the idea, the focus on colour, the simplicity of the message. & the bolded words forming oxymoronic phrases? gorgeous & so very evocative. i really like the end, too. i think it just brings everything to a nice conclusion; there is something you're actively saying with this poem - it's not just a bunch of words.

as for CC - i think the line "i want reality though/to say that" sounds strange because of the placement of "though". maybe think of starting the stanza with "but" instead? also, in the first stanza you say the day is something you can rely on, but then the rest of the poem you're cringing back from it. i think you meant you can rely on it to return? so maybe specify? because first time i read through it i got confused.

& yesh that is all i gots. nice work!

-kait

Hi Again
I like Broken too. It is a very interesting piece because it highlights a human behavior that is very common in relationships. The one of developing a dependancy to control. But what is interesting in your poem you appear to acknowledge that and continue to use it and also continue to question the wisdom of that strategy. I like the fact that in the final analysis you acknowledge that the author is really in control and very self aware.
g

Great. Love the sensitivity.
g

baha. lou mentioned you were playing with "my" format. so then of course i had to come see for myself. it's funny, the way these things circulate. the whole squishbolditalicunderline thing kinda became a trend. i don't know if it still is; i haven't really been keeping up with the poetry side of fp. anyways. to an actual review.

o1 - i really like the spin on the 3rd stanza. heart the 4th stanza - i'd suggest tying it more closely with the 5th?

o2 - did you want the spacing to be like that? oh btw i adore the way you write out the titles. haha. the rhyming at the end kind of throws me, though. but then i'm biased. i don't generally like rhymed lines.

o3 - love this. the title, the theme. well actually i just reallyreally like the word "undone". but i like the poem, too! this bit: "(t's gone)./ i'm gone./ you came undone and (i warned you) i coudn't fix it" - love it. typo in there, though. this poem just - seems more focused?

o4 - simple, simple. clean-cut. i see this more as just emotion rather than a poem.

o5 - ooh, i like that beginning. original. the rest is pretty simple.

i think you say on your profile that you'll be changing the order of these? i was going to comment on that - reading them's a little tricky because they jump & it's hard to find a continuum. not that there /has/ to be one, but it helps the flow, you know? i really believe in poetry collections having flow; it irks me to no end when i read something published where the poems are just all over the place. i mean i know they're probably just arranged by date & one shouldn't have to constrain oneself to developing some sort of progression in the tone or whatever but still! oops. sorry. didn't mean to rant, haha.

in any case, i'll follow this as you update. mostly because of #3 & #1. & you don't have to listen to me, of course - poetry is so subjective it's ridiculous - but i'll try to tell you what i feel from each poem & maybe give you CC. i'm not sure if this is the kind of thing that you want CC for, though (if you don't, just tell me & i'll zip my mouth) ... this sounds pretty raw, & of course i don't want to undermine anything that's very personal to you.

okay rambling. sorry this is all over the place; i'll be more focused when i can just sit down with each new poem & dissect it. :)

-kait

Woah. I actually love this. The different styles, the italicized and bold words make it look so interesting and the emphasis on the words is great. Good job, keep writing ^^

Holli x