I like the whole idea behind this piece, of hiding behind a metaphor, it's really unique and interesting. I also like how you make it so nature. Though it did confuse me how you went from storm to sun to storm again. I did like the last line though, it's a really great image.

PS If you're bored this weekend check out the Review Game and/or it's Review Marathon (link in my profile).

It’s but the smallest slice of a short life

Heart’s little bit of clarity once felt

Revealing all our contradictions rife,—

As summer hail hard falling on thin pelt.

It’s but the greatest irony of God

Soul’s large amount of love surrounding all

While we towards death with frail steps onwards plod,—

Seeking redemption after Eden’s fall.

A very hard thing to describe, but you did it well. The last two lines of the first stanza were excellent.

Really brief, but really precise. Good job.