I like the repetition in the beginning, how the first two lines are the same because this brings attention to them and makes it more powerful.

One comment, you have the word ** in this poem a few times in here. If you are using that word you have to think about your audience. More often a poem with the word ** in it would be rated m. Just for future notice because you have the chance of offending people.

I'm not impressed with the lenght because it seems that you went on and on about it and didn't really get anywhere fast. However, since you said you were dealing with feelings and they are confusing that could be a reason it was like so. I advise when writing a long poem while confused to go back over it before you post it to make sure it all makes sense and won't be too daunting.

I did like the last line because it was powerful and vividly said.

Areku

how did you know the story of my life? everything in this thing, i am going through, at least metaphorically. and you are completely right about all of the feelings. i just want to thank you for writing this, because, it is true. and people need to know that asking are u okay means **. thanks.


-E

This is beautiful, even through the pain of the words. The length of the poem only adds to the show of how much you need to get off of your chest and out of your heart, and I think that the need to hide is something that many people can relate to, in some way.
I hope that everything works out for the better during the summertime, and that you can work out whatever is eating you up inside. I know that, to me at least, it seems as though I am burdening others with my problems if I were to tell them, but if you happen to find even just one person that will not judge you, telling them about the issue helps tremendously. I hope that you find someone to share the burden with. Good luck

~Amanda

I must applaud you for this brilliant poem, which is full of raw emotions. Even though it is rather long, it is not repetitve at all. I love it!

i really felt this piece. youve captured emotions so well...

Wow, a really powerful piece. It's interesting how you offer little clues about what the situation is about, but by the end the reader still doesn't have many details. It works well in keeping that sense of mystery, letting the reader use their imagination. It's the emotion, brutal honesty, and introspective thoughts that drive this and make it such a gripping read. It's a poem, and yet not a poem at the same time. A journal entry formatted and slightly organized, flowing and feeling like a poem but feeling personal like looking into someone's diary. It feels like you let all your feelings loose, as the piece flows like a rampage of words. You manage to keep it from rambling, which is great. I love the use of bolding, brackets, and italics. I hope you're feeling better than when you wrote this, but the powerful emotion captured here definitely isn't going anywhere. Well done!

alot of raw emotions were put into this, good work

keep writing

Im not sure what it is the writer is going through and I was hoping to find out but okay I guess I won't. Wonerful job on this poem/story and you kept me interested until the end. I may not know but I have some ideas and I can kind of understand what the writer is going through.

I can't say I know exactly how you feel, since I'm not entirely sure what you're writing about, but I can definitely relate. "It's just one of those things that you want a time machine for. Make it all go away." - I liked that, I always say the same thing (about the Fairly Odd Parents too!!)

this is an amazing piece. it shows the speakers thoughts and feeling as they hide it all inside and don't tell anyone. It shows the anguish of wanting help but not wanting help at the same time. The whole "I am okay." thing wow i can relate SO well! this is a great poem. keep writing!

very interesting...

The emotion in this piece was really clear. I was able to put myself in your place. Certain places were written really well too (one spot was the stanza that goes "it's eating me up inside...make it all go away"

I get this, sometimes there's people who think they know you and that's lie, yeah, keep silent sometimes is better.
it's a sad poem by the way but very heartfelt.

Wow. The emotion in this piece is very strong, very real. I can relate to some degree. Very well done. Keep up the good work. (:

~Unknown Survivor