actualy i already said on the forums that this book is just a little miniseries. its only 7 pages long.

Grovy way to start off a story. In addition, your writing is actually MUCH improved here. The words, sentences, and phrases seem to flow a LOT better than before.

Are you SURE you want to do it in first-person? Yes, of course you are. >.< First person is nice, but you have to look at it in a WHOLE new light. Many things that would make sense in third person wouldn't make sense in first, and vice versa. Just be on the lookout for that. Sooner or later, it'll come up. But good luck, keep writing, and I'll be looking forward to seeing where you take this story. ^_^