I saw your request from the roadhouse, so I decided to drop in. I must say, I love your perspective of vampires. I can picture a vampire under the moonlight playing violin... wow... love.

Another YAY: "Most authors these days seemed to think that vampires were beautiful, sex-crazed and/or angst-ridden eternal teenagers. He wasn't quite sure which planet these people came from, but here on planet Earth, he was fairly sure all vampires looked like death warmed over, because that's just common sense."
(YOU GO FOR IT! I mean Edward Cullen freaking shines? I was like what the... in the cinema.)

"Far from obsessing over his unavoidable fate, Carson liked to live this day as though there was some religious zealot coming after him with holy water, spaghetti, and Latin tomorrow."
(Ah, I love this dude already. His way of thinking is awesome)

"some leftovers in an Aquafina water bottle that dated back from the early nineteen-nineties (the bottle, not the blood"
(LOVE THAT LAST PART! IT OWNS)

"They picked at his flesh even as he regenerated, making Dormand feel as though he were a Prometheus, bound to the rocks and fated to be tortured like this for all eternity. " (OMG I am so in love with this story!)

So he immediately disposed of any ideas he might have had about a relatively normal existence with just him and Maman, and instead opted for a life of violence, murder, and downright fun. (LOL! THIS guy is pretty fun too!)

What a beautiful ending. I can actually relate a little Carson o one of my characters. Yay to that.

P.s. I am in love with this story. (I will continue to read on when I reach home)

I like the first scene in the laundromat. The image of a vampire frustrated over the bloodstains in his laundry is just funny to me for some reason. The smiley face wristband was just icing on the cake.
After calling Lucie a playmate, Dormand seemed to bite her rather quickly and without fanfare. It seemed a little at odds with his earlier kill where he made a big show of it. Or are those sorts of theatrics only reserved for when he's around Carson? I did like her reason for thinking he was an angel. It's another thing you've made totally opposite from the norm.

I like how the corset is what killed her. It's a nice original way for the vampire to get his snack, instead of the normal just bite the neck method.
I must say putting eyeballs in a pocket sounds a little gross, but it's a neat hobby to give your vampire. Again it's just refreshingly original, if a little icky, and helps add to your story's uniqueness.

First off you get applause for not sugarcoating your vampires. I really like that you tell them exactly how they are, evil murderous intents and all. It's a very refreshing change from all the stories I've seen and read that are all the same 'Twilight'-esque romanticising.
I also heartily enjoyed the opening "author's note." It was quite funny in a morbid sort of way. It leads into the rest perfectly and tells straight from the start that this isn't going to be the same old romantic vampire guff.

I feel sorta sorry for Danny, it sounds like his life is going to be a little more complicated now that Carson has held him captive.

And I wonder about Dormand and Yuki? What will happen with them?

Anyway, your descriptions are creepy, but vivid. You don't find many authors in the horror section with that kind of ability. Um, not much critic, but other than that another great chapter.

I'm starting to like Dormand's character more than I did in teh last version, lol. He seems to be shining in a new demonic light that it awesome, but of course Carson still outlives him somehow, lol.

Another great chapter.

C.S.

I reviewed this the day that FP went down. I thought that the review had gien through, but apparently not.

Somehow the idea of a vampire drinking blood out of a bottle is a bit funny, yet I can imagine it.

As usual, this chapter was very nice. I liked the descriptions in it and the interaction between Dormand and Carson.

C.S.

Freaky-ass kid is a cockroach...BWHAHAHAHA!

I see you finally decided to describe him being the sewers as 'covered in excrement'. Well, my appetite for dinner just flew away.

I loved this! I think you accidentally put Dormand instead of Danny in one spot, but that's okay!

♠Pyro-Fay♠

Oh my god, I freaking love this...

It's a fresh turn from whiny, emo vampires...Mental illness and everything, it's much more interesting than a lot of other cliche vampire stories.

Although I've never cared for horror stories such as this I have to admit this is good. Your vampires are way more interesting than the ones I've read about before and I'd like to see more of this story in the future.

I like this story; it doesn't depict either vampire as noble, or heroic in any way, so there's no lesser of two evils for the fans to automatically side with. I can't wait to see what you do with the vampire hitman! Update soon.

Not usually into vampire stories but this is good!

I read the 3rd and 4th chapter that I wasn't able to earlier. It was undoubtedly good for Carson to leave France, but getting stuck in Italy was worse.

The six rule is harsh and bit weird, kinda takes me back to the older vampire stories where those were practically the same rules.

Dormand, though still the same as he was in the last draft is still as entertaining, lol. Poor Lucie. The Zerlina comes back into the picture.

Can't wait to see what new twists you're going to add.

C.S.

Paying it forward :) Well, if I can't review you, who can I review? :)

I really like this - it's got a definite voice of humor in the narrative, and the characters introduced are very colorful. I really like the way the characters are narrated from a slightly skewed perspective, so that their personalities are shown by the narration used in their descriptions.

There is a touch of the Vampire Chronicles here - but it is almost a parody of it, a mockery of the classic vampire story, very consciously shaking up the tropes of the genre from a very self-aware perspective.

I like this.

This is freaking amazing! I love it! Your narrative voice is brilliant, engaging, funny.

"Carson had fixed the former problem easily- one of the first things he had done as a vampire was to kill his parents and partake of their blood, so he knew exactly what had become of them."

"and was assaulted by the musical stylings by some American rap 'artist' who had apparently risen to fame by rhyming 'dah media' with 'chlamydia'."

Both of these lines are incredible, and your characters are really intriguing; I'm already fond of Carson.

Great writing! I'll definitely be back to read more later. ^_^