I really enjoyed this poem because of the images that were evoked through the writing, everything was neatly described and in the respect I also feel as though it fits nicely within the "church" order of things. I also love a poet who can use correct grammar, often too many don't and it's very annoying, but the way you structured and used grammar really created the poem into something new--a genuine story. My favorite stanza was the last because of the first two lines, it really resonates with wonderful imagery. You know exactly what you're doing with this piece, and that confidence is refreshing.

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I love the last line. Her choosing McDonald's as the restaurant was really funny and a nice touch. Though I wouldn't put the second line in the title. I think the ending would have been more of a shocker.

I also like the quotations of member, it works well for those who know that you can never technically not be a member unless you're excommunicated. At least I'm pretty sure that's how it works.

I really can't think of anything that needs to be changed in this piece...

"It is a mature perfecting
of her relationship with God;
she gets to choose where to take the family
for brunch afterwards."

LOL! :D! I love the spiritual realization in the first to lines, and then the shift to the speaker's 'real thoughts' in the last two lines. It's so honest and realistic, which makes it so enjoyable to read!

"Filet-O-Fish." THE SPEAKER CHOSE MC DONALD'S! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *PRICELESS* :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Keep writing. You're amazing.
-Isca

"Every week:
she smashes her mother’s favorite lamp,
teaches her baby sister to say ‘shit’
or throws her friend’s toys to the German
shepherds next door."

I'm laughing (in a good way).
This opening stanza is so blunt and energetic.
I love it! :D

"Suffocating every goldfish her mother buys." Oh wow! Twisted imagery! Very cool and creative!

"Her flower crown is already wilting." A lovely description of the speaker's 'sinful' nature.

"The communion wafer tastes like two minute noddles." AHAHAHA! :) That line just made my day! I'm glad someone put it all out in the open. The 'Body of Christ' tastes like instant noodles...wow!

"Hungry as she is, she almost asks for another." A wonderful final line!

The last stanza is absolutely wonderful.

The narrative progression within the detailed verse works well.

I have my own connections, somehow, even though none of this happened to me.

Once again, brevity makes for powerful effect.

Enjoyment - I really enjoyed this poem right from the title. It grabbed me and I thought - this one's gonna be interesting. And it is =] My favourite, favourite line in this is the second: 'Every week: / she breaks her mother's favourite lamp,' because it's just so good at showing how little the Catholic priests listen to confessions, and it's a great introduction to the rest of the poem. It's just so good at (subtly) showing how fake the confessions are, which is reinforced later on in the poem.

Stanzas - I thought that the breaking up of stanzas in this poem worked really well. Each stanza is about a different section of the description/story/events (not really sure what to call it =]), yet the 'But' at the beginning of the last stanza ties it altogether and links it to the rest of the poem. Sort of like in an essay where you say 'in conclusion...'.

Word choice - I thought the word choice in this poem has been really well thought out. One particular example is 'She never admits to playing Doctor' - the 'admits' shows that she knows it's wrong, you could have put said or something like that but you didn't. Which is good =] I also like the way you've kept the parts where it's sort of from the girl's point of view at a believable level of vocabulary for her age, yet when you write about what the priest says you put 'a stern admonition' which has the double effect of subtly changing characters AND showing your readers that you have a wide vocabulary.

Flow - I thought that overall the flow of the poem worked well. One tiny thing, though - the colon at the end of the first line seemed to interrupt the flow slightly, but then I understand that it's a list, so I don't know what you could do about that. But seriously, that is the most tiny thing ever, and it's all I could find to critique. I think that you're a really talented writer.

-Amy

To be honest, I don't know how to approach this in a review. I've been skimming through RG again but there's no way that I could come up with a useful critique for you. My level of analyzation is nowhere near your level of writing.

I liked it a lot, and here's why:
1. It flowed smoothly and beautifuly.
2. The stanzas were organized in a very logical manner and were not confusing.
3. The word choice fit just right.
4. The rhythm fit right in with the flow.
5. (Perhaps the most important.) The subject really made me think about myself and my experiences with Confession. My family's catholic but I feel like I don't fit in, so in churchy stuff like Confession and Adoration. I really think the last stanza did it for me. It's a combination of all the things that make this poem so readable that make it so easy to relate to. Honestly, if someone else had tried to say the same thing but was totally disorganized and lacking in the whole poetry thing... I wouldn't have read it. But yours kept my attention and it really made me think.

It's a great piece.

-stix-

A review from the Review Game on its first birthday to thank you for spreading the review love.

“she breaks her mother’s favorite lamp,”… I didn’t like that because I feel like once she broke the favorite lamp it’s gone, she can’t break it again. Maybe I’m just being too literal.

“stealing the pennies in the collection plate”.. “stealing pennies from the…” sounds better to me, less wordy.

I really like the ending. You build the piece up to be about this awful little girl and them BAM it’s really about her parents’ secrets. I also like how you don’t say what it is she heard, leaves it up to the reader’s interpretation. The whole commentary on confession is great too.

haha, first stanza is brilliancy.

i like the little snippets of memory, vague as they are, they add a misty, reclusive feel to the piece. - "praying//her baby' bladder would obey" - i laughed out loud. Sometimes poems like these seem very plain with the lack of vocab flair but you styled it in such a way that the simplicity is actually complimentary. 'drunken sleeping beauty' is a good connection but a fairly common one, and excellent use of words, esp. the last line. For some odd reason, describing the father's cheek as 'cold' adds a whole new dimension and it suddenly seems very visual and feeling. Almost as if the father was 'cold' himself, a cruel personality or a merely regretful and sad man because he couldn't spend enough time with his girl.

the stanzas are well done and punctuation is emphasized; almost seems as if the piece has a very distinct yet subtle poetic rhythm to it. only crit i could offer you is "intangibly nonsensical" nothings, although the last stanza does leave me wondering what went wrong. Beautiful idea and concept.

"chose to omit that telltale white lie."... I didn't like that line because I feel like if she wanted to tell a white lie she would have just said yes, not maybe. It just seemed a bit inconsistent.

Also, in the ending, I wasn't 100% sure if she was the godmother or the child? The pronouns got a little confusing since I thought it was the child, but the godmother was the last person mentioned.

I wished there was a bit more though. I wanted to know more about the story with her father, it seemed kinda out of place. I mean it fit with the memory thing, but since the rest was only about her and the godmother, I wanted more of a connection.

I do like the formatting of the word maybe. It was interesting and fit well. The rest of the piece is written well as always. I like the Sleeping Beauty simile and I like the part about the echoing in the church, it was a great descriptions.

well i like this. it did go over my head but i still liked this. the first para gave me the laughs. atleast she was being truthful. most of us pretend to be faithful to our faith but we keep sinning. anyway, i love the last few lines 'too disconnected to link it together
but tangibly sensical nonetheless.' whoa, its like you gave a whole story to deal with. lovely. keep writing.

A grandmother muttering 'maybe.' That part was INCREDIBLE! :D

I absolutely love it. I've never read anything like it; what a unique voice you have! It was clever, great line breakup. It really made me feel like a story lay behind it. Great job!