|Reviews for Solace of Night|
| Kyllorac 11/30/08 . chapter 1
Hello there. This is Kylie from the Review Game giving you a freebie review at the request of I is the BFG.
Firstly, if you weren't already aware, FictionPress tends to change the format of poems when they are uploaded. As such, the original format of this poem has been lost, and it's a bit difficult to read and appreciate as a whole. You can edit the format of your poem by going into Documents and clicking on the name of the document you want to edit. To get single-spacing, press ShiftEnter. You may have to work your way from the bottom up, though.
Punctuation seemed a bit arbitrary. In some places, such as "Peace flows through me, / As my mind slowly becomes more aware", the punctuation disrupts the flow. In other places, you completely omit punctuation or use the wrong punctuating mark. For example: What is this single, solitary hole, / that pierces my heart / and leaves me blithe with delight." The comma after "hole" disrupts the flow because it extends the pause that the line break denotes. The period should be a question mark.
Still, as punctuation in poetry is entirely up to the poet's discretion, you can disregard this previous section. I only mention it because it threw me off in places and disrupted the flow.
Speaking of flow, overall, the poem flowed very well. The formatting and punctuation aside, the flow was smooth, though there is some room for improvement. For instance, capitalizing the "n" in "Mother night" would act as a cue for the reader to enunciate the personification differently, which really affects how the line is read.
I particularly liked your use of rhyme. There is no set scheme, but the rhymes are scattered throughout, and they really help enhance how this poem sounds. Also, your word choice and imagery were lovely. I especially liked that you used "blythe" and your use of "nectar of being" to describe blood. The latter was particularly creative.
The subject of this poem is quite morbid, yet you lend to it a sense of beauty through your word choice and metaphors. I really enjoyed that.
Overall, you have a great poem here. There's some room for improvement, but you have a very solid piece as is. I hope to one day read this poem in the form you wrote it in as the form and structure of a poem adds a lot to how it is perceived.