Great ending to the chapter. Great improvement from the first chapter...seems you are gathereing yourself and the incorporation of smaller plotlines is interesting..can't wait to see where the jealousy goes.

Ok...so pretty good. I enjoyed the 1st chapter. However, I find that at some points it is a bit wordy and there are a few sentences that your dialect interfere in. This can be seen, for example, in the phrase "so you can PACK UP your things and come with me.". Overall, it was a nice beginning. You had me interested from the get-go and I am moving on to the next chapter.

Hi there! I promise my reviewers that I will return a review for everyone I receive and I am going to live up to my promise.

I've only read the first couple of paragraphs so far, but overall I am very intrigued. You have a flair for precise timing and subterfuge in the introduction of your characters and their situation.

This is very clean compared to a lot of the stories I read, and I like that - at 20 you are very much eons above where I was at your age. Well done...

"Muggle" - careful, being that JK Rowling invented that term...you might want to change this to something less likely to garner the wrong kind of attention. Unless of course you give credit for the term. Something like "So I descended like one of Harry Potter's Muggles..." or something along those lines.

"“I’d give you twenty four hours to fall like a fly from poisoning.”
“Haven’t even eaten it an hour ago.”

“ Yeah? Let’s see how you hold up in twenty four hours, then. I’ll take you to a hospital if you start sprouting gills or something. Ooh…strawberry yoghurt.”" Up to this point your dialogue is very smooth, I think that Quick Edit got away from you (That program sucks!). And unfortunately in this case trips my eyes.

"I could not fool myself. I wanted to get back into the agency. I didn’t want to rest anymore. I didn’t want to hide away anymore. I hated being less than what I truly was. And who was I kidding? I didn’t want a Human job. I wanted the life I had felt at Athena in the midst of all the corruption, the sense of purpose, being involved in something that was more than myself, the adventure, the thrill of being the one to survive when others did not, all of it. My heart knew the truth; during those last few months I had been stretched thin with all the jobs I had been given to undertake. There had not been enough strength and resolve to control my paranoia, my constant distrust of every Athenian agent, especially our administrators, people whom we worked for but had never seen before. "

This begins one VERY long paragraph. Your style to point has been nice and concise. Take a look at this paragraph and see if you can't break it up into slightly smaller descriptive paragraphs. A typical reader will balk at such a large chunk of information for fear of a data dump. Give them the paragraph breaks they need to keep involved.

Nice - overall a very intriguing storyline and an engaging main character. I've already faved this so I can come back to it easily, so I will see you again soon!

Thank you again for dropping a review over on OH: Redemption. It is much appreciated!

leaves the "sgency", except through death.

Try italicizing the journal entries.