I like this story. Adin is really cute, and I'd like to get to know more about Orran. I hope you'll get around to writing more sometime.

I love this story! Keep it up, yeah? : D You're absolutely fantastic!

I was very surprise at the difference between Penny Candy and this story. I am really enjoying the pacing of the story, as well as the foreshadowing you've taunted us with. I look forward to seeing an update.

Well, even though it seems to be on unofficial hiatus, I do hope you finish this :) Love to find out the deal behind the doc!

I've become quite fond of this story, you hava a particular way of writing that just draws you right into the story and want read more. Impressive. :P

Very good so far, I'm curious of Leo and Orran's relationship though... And of course, what's Orran's big ol' secret.

Anywhore, Keep up the amazing work. :D

I really loved reading this, and I was a little disappointed by the abrupt ending of this chapter. I like the characters, it's not really anything like your other story, but your writing is flawless in both, and both have fantastically interesting plots so I hope you continue to write.

This is amazing! I love the contrast between this and Penny Candy. The grittiness and poverty in your characters is realistic without being melodramatic, but your writing for Adin's honesty and Orran's charm also reads true. Thank you for sharing, and I look forward to reading more of your work!

I just finished reading this through. It's good.

You should probably reveal Orran's secrets soon. You've referenced them so often by now that it wouldn't be fair to your readers if you delayed much longer.

It would also be nice to get some action in here soon.

One thing I really like here is Lucy's dialogue. (Particularly how you show a lot about her character through the dialect.)

Good work with the descriptions.

Potatoes are, indeed, amazing. Yum. Oh, I hope this continues! I really love it. And I love Orran. He's so quirky. I really want to know what he is O.o Right now I'm sticking with vampire. Or something. :D Hm, not really sure what else to say...well, I hope this continues and I'm greatly enjoying it, and...yup, that's all I got. o.o

"There are some things that people shouldn't have to dream about.

Adin woke feeling sodden and muzzy, with wet wool blankets twisted around his legs. He shook them off, shuddering, and sat up to rub his eyes. The nightmare broke up into pieces and faded away in his mind, leaving only a faint hint of run, run, run! in its wake."
--These two paragraphs don't really flow into each other very well. I would say you should either remove the first sentence or put it after the second paragraph.

"It was true that things had gotten leaner and leaner in the months leading up to his father's death, and that Adin's quivering stomach and skinny arms made him look, if one had a particularly overactive imagination, like a plucked chicken, but people didn't have to go around saying so."
--This sentence doesn't flow right. The first part is so long that the reader isn't prepared for the "but" transition. Either split this into two sentences, or try to start it with "While it was true..." or "Even though..."

"They were a little too big, but plenty warm and dry, and Adin felt more confident with them on, as if he could go tromping through just about anything, and the boots would protect him."
--The second part of the sentence (and Adin...protect him) is somewhat repetitive.

Wow, Gregor's being really nice for a guy who dropped Adin into a puddle during the previous chapter. Maybe you could throw in an apology for that somewhere.

I really like this. It's funny and well-written.

Comments:

"His eyebrows were inching together guiltily, and he frowned. "I'm sorry about all this," he said."
--I don't think you need "guiltily." The rest of the paragraph takes care of that.

"He'd never been farther than a few miles towards the river, and that was only because he'd gotten lost. He didn't know what a labor camp was, exactly, but it was one of those words, like hematoma or gangrene, that had a sinister ring to it."
--Are the people in this culture familiar with the word "hematoma"? I always thought it was a more modern word.

I just noticed that you had another fic. I like the beginning. I do wonder about his papers . . . it doesn't seem like Gregor would sign those.

Livi

This is really good so far. Poor Adin :(. I can't wait to see what is next.

hey. Nice new fic. Can't wait for the rest. update soon.

s.w.f.u