i think you write for everyone

and its a small thing

and a great thing

all at once.

there really is nothing on the other side.

there isn't anything on the other side

On form:

Compliments for a touching stream of consciousness. reads effortlessly, touches emotions without detour.

On substance:

Really? Nothing on the other side?

Hf

I like how this is a progression, and an analysis of what a single year can mean in emotional and personal development. Or more importantly how we regard the steps and elevations that we think will come with chronological advancement. There is alot of specific truths in this, just subtle enough to be all inclusive while maintaining the individuality of the speaker. The emphasis on quick stanzas and fast paced line breaks adds to the overall feeling of growing up too quickly, and what that entails in the long run without the knowledge possessed after the years have gone past. Very thought provoking, and structured well to guide the reader at a certain pace. Excellent work. MD:77.

First of all I want to say that I'm very happy you didn't... retire, if that's the right word.

I couldn't help but think I'm in the same place in life as you, being 22. The sort of wanting what you had before is what I feel often, and the wisdom to consul others of empty pursuits.

I didn't grasp the love poem aspect, though. Seemed more to me as wisdom manifesting itself.

This piece was genius, but I expected that. My favorite lines were, "when the sky pales/to white rain/and the sun shivers -"

Cheers,

Doxology

Age, experience, what a sham.

I was wondering if you'd be visiting here again. I'm not disappointed, I'm intrigued. For this is truly interesting. I loved your names for your ages, as if growing older can be notched and documented in so few words, as if to say that then you were more (less?) than what you are now, what you became and became and will become soon. Everything is always so different, and regrettably [or is it it reassuring?] the same.

I also really liked the last stanza. I wonder if you were saying that about growing up, growing older, or just certain things that have happened. It doesn't make too much of a difference, or all the difference depending on how you look at it. Well done, as always.

Ashelin

I see images swirling and whirling about in my mind, and it's absolutely incredible. Echoes and images fluttering in and out.

I can hear exhaustion, complacency, but at the same time resilience against your being "alone,/swollen from hope/for so long".

It feels...soothing. Despite its content I felt carried.

Wonderful.

You are so amazing. You're poetry is better than Ayn Rand's literature :P.

really really good stuff. I really felt so much when you mentioned about the girls falling off the edge and how you wish you could warn them.

I really loved this! I dont' usually like poetry but this was great. I could really feel the emotions. Two things I noticed though. The stanza "weighty, bones, too weak, to speak" through off my rhythum a little bit as I was reading the poem. I think it is probably because that stanza is the only one which has a rhyming line. The other thing was "needlessly

curly hair" I'm not sure how hair can be 'needless'... perhaps you were searching for another word? Otherwise, really it was awesome! Thanks for sharing it.

I love this...especially the section reading

"I want

the hollowness

of eighteen,

bright burning

unafraid

nineteen

cold

twenty

dreamy

twenty-one

or empty

twenty-two"

Great work

Ayx

God, this is an amazing poem. Really. I have felt this so many times. The older you get, the more you live in a place like this somehow.