omg!!
i love it!!
keep going!

I hated the first sentence of this story, but it was really rewarding to keep going. What a shame it's ended just as it was getting meaty! (I assume). I like that they are 'monsters' but act so human. Like the other reviewer, I like Nahla and Zac too; nicely formed, solid 2nd tier characters. and Shawn's mannerisms are charming. Hope you add more one day. Thanks.

please go on

Ever since you wrote Chapter 5, I've been checking non-stop, every day, in 6 hour intervals (or even less when I'm less patient) for a new Chapter to be written.
So I have to ask, are you EVER GOING TO WRITE?!?!?!
or are you just waiting for more reviews.
I think this is a really good start to an interesting story, and I'd highly appreciate it if you were to continue.

thnxx

AH!! This is another good story from you! I bow down to your awesome writing skillage ^_^
I thought Little Less Obvious was uber good, but this story is also probably equally as good!
I hope you continue!
I'll be watching out for updates ^_^

I hope you write more soon!

~Mai-lee

Oh man, I LOVE Spam Musubi! I crave it all the time!


“It is nice,” Shawn said, also realizing that she hadn’t spoken for a while. “I guess I just needed an escape.”
“From paradise?”...
I got this a lot when I moved to Michigan from Hawaii. People could NOT understand why I would leave Hawaii for some place in the middle of nowhere!

Hmm, can Shawn only feel how hot Caleb is because they're both of the same kind? This is pretty interesting!

One thing I really like about your writing is despite your asian influence, you don't abuse it. I know of a lot of writers who don't even HAVE the amount of asian influence I know you have [having lived in Hawaii as well] They just get all their asian infulence from Manga and Anime. And they completely abuse it, using words and phrases all the time. I can't stand it. But you don't do that here, you do it with Shawn because her character has asian influence, and you don't do it that much. I really really like that.

I really liked this chapter! The date type thing was cute, and I really like them as a couple. It's too bad they're not supposed to be together. I can't wait to read more!! :P

I knew this story had something to do with Vampires! I don't normally like vampire stories, but this one seems like it'll be good...

I also have a feeling that Caleb's clan and Shawn's clan are going to get into an epic battle!

Wow, what's happening here? xD

Is her family a bunch of like... vampire hunters or something?
Please explain!

oh! Things are getting more interesting. Now there's a reason why Shawn has those eyes [and whats up with her scent?] and Caleb seems pretty weird too. Where did he get that parchment?
And I find it to be kind of odd that Zion and Kiel don't eat, I'm sure that has an importance right?

This is really good, I hope you'll continue.

I printed out your entire story; "Little Less Obvious" for Thanksgiving break [that's normally how I do, print things out at school and read them] and I saw some author notes when I was copying and pasting that said that you're from Hawaii. A year ago, I lived there, for three years. I live in Michigan now, but I went to Kailua Inter, Kalaheo High [best high school evar!] and then Kailua High [pop]. I kind of miss it, there were a lot of good memories had there. But I thought it was kind of interesting. I didn't think there were any other fictionpress writers on the island, but I guess its not as small as I thought right?

Speaking of writing, your writing is wonderful. You write with such eloquence and ease, and you have excellent imagery. If I wanted to copy and paste my favorite parts of this chapter, I would exceed the word limit.

Its getting pretty late here for me right now, so I'll read the other chapters later on tomorrow :)

Happy Writing!
Kitty

This is going to be so cool! Shawn's people are fighting Caleb's people! Ha ha...I love this story! This was such a great chapter...the characters of Nahla and Zac are very interesting. Update soon!

Wow..that's kind of scary. I really hope nothing happens...but I really wish that someone had taught Shawn how to defend herself. Great chapter! :)

Oh my gawd. i loved you other story, but this one i think is just so0o0o much better.
i LOVE it, absolutely love it!

UPDATE SOON!

def love it its pretty good lol