|Reviews for Promise|
| Ernest Bloom 11/19/08 . chapter 1
i like the _idea_ of retaining the structure of the last lines (changing color) better than its effect here. since the changing color seems to be a detail detached from the point you're trying to make, the effect is sterilized.
the headless chicken at the crossroads is too comical an image; it wipes out the mood you've previously established. find a metaphor that better captures what the protagonist is feeling.
but the premise overall is very good, as is the conclusion, with the action taken with the phonebook.
(phonebook? isn't this a spouse? this is probably not the correct object to consider discarding/erasing.)
stza 1: dork - dock