I feel like there's something that feels really unfinished about this piece. I dunno, it's probably actually just me, but yeah. The conclusion doesn't quite match up and close as well as I feel it should, though it does lay out some very important information. I just feel like that last sentence was a little rushed.

I do like the idea of this, of course. There's a very melancholy sense to the entire piece that is tasteful. I especially like the way you've put part of the story into the summary, "You're late, Daddy." It's one of those nice finishing touches that really rounds a piece like this off.

ohsocyanide.

Poor Hannah, and poor narrator! You kept me guessing with how Hannah was tainted at first I thought it was something more adult. Wonderful imagery and so, so evocative. The death of innocence is such a saddening thing.

Sakina x

Wow... At the end, this piece was very moving.

My only complaint is the organization. There were just a few points that were too complicated-I had to think too hard about what you were trying to say to allow the emotions of the story to flow into me unimpeded. If that doesn't make any sense to you, there are parts where your organization doesn't work with the flow of your story. A little more explanation a little earlier might help your story immensely.

Keep up the good work! I do believe I owe you one more review, though, so I'll get cracking!

-thewhimsicalbard

I love this story. It is very sad but it shows that even those who lead that kind of lifestyle need someone, and just because they're famous doesn't mean they have everything.