|Reviews for His Majesty's Kingdom|
| Alteng 8/19/09 . chapter 19
It's a shame that Robyn's father is like that, but I believe there are many parents like that. It was nice witht he conflicts in Robyn's mind about what he should have said to his father.
Now, Robyn goes to another fight. he fights about as much as Derek does. Geez!
Oh, and I didn't think the tidbit about Derek being gay got into the story he told Ariel. The homosexuality didn't come out so much until Derek admitted that he felt something for Robyn. There were hints of it earlier, but it didn't really sound like Derek knew it himself that he was that way.
Oh, and I work with a guy who has PMS every Wednesday.
Anyway, the girls are a right nasty bunch, and I think Derek has his reservations about hitting a girl. So, he is between a rock and a hard place. Geez! Ariel is truly a bitch!
| Alteng 8/18/09 . chapter 18
Okay, another chapter.
This is still a very good read. This was a nice chapter that it went into some details about the tennis match, which is an important aspect of Robyn's life, instead of Derek's apathetic 'is it over yet?' attitude.
The confession about Derek's gayness is something we, the reader knows, but does Derek know yet. You might want to write a passage somewhere before with Derek struggling with this concept. After all, homosexuality is not something that is truly accepted in this society.
Still, you have handled this well. I am not sure how Robyn would really react to this confession more so than the confession about the drugs. I would think that Ariel's blabber mouth thing would have gotten back to him already. After all, gossip would go around. So, therefore, he would not be so shocked by it. Derek telling the story would only confirm and straighten out some of the more entertaining gossip bits.
It is nice to see the two boys having fun together, and not having them kissing or whatever. This was done classy.
Now we know about why Derek runs. I think I would call this story "The Thousand Miles" because of that. I would also think I would change the summary to something about wishes and wanting to save his sisters life, but he finds other good things along the way.
"Wishes" could kind of work for this as well, because I think Robyn might have found that perfect friend.
| Alteng 8/18/09 . chapter 17
This was a sweet reunion. I'm glad the kitten made it. Derek needs to be thinking about real cat food and a litter box. Wait until he finds the present that Ugly left in his shirts.
You did well with remembering the sausages on the grill that burned. I am surprised that Derek didn't ask the question about breakfast in the afternoon.
I am also surprised that the story about Greg ius true. After all, Derek is so delusional.
The phone call with Robyn was interesting. There is a conflicting emotion when you call someone that you like. You want to talk to them, but there is always the hope that they won't answer. There is the butterflies in the stomach feeling and the shaking of the knees. I make it sound dramatic, don't I. But, I am a bit of an anti-social being, but I don't have the issues that Derek has.
| Alteng 8/18/09 . chapter 16
Okay, this was a short chapter. Derek is no good at naming cats. Geez! Ugly, what a name, but I guess it does reflect his character.
I am certain that the kitten will die soon on him, and the awillbe another one that has left him. After all, he isn't doing anything to solve the weakness of the kitten.
Anyway, this chapter had some really good imagery. The reflection back to killing of the rat was a good piece on your part as well. It says that Derek has changed somewhat.
The long descriptive chapter had good timing and the fact that he does return to somewhere near home makes sense, despite he is angry. He has nowhere to go really.
I found a typo. I am usually a bit out of it when I read, and I am not reading all that carefully, so I have slacked.
Shaking his head, he crossed the street and stopped in front of the fence, wondering how he was going to kitten and himself over the fence.
I think he was wondering how to get the kitten and himself over the fence.
| Alteng 8/18/09 . chapter 15
This chapter has one of those situations of phrasings that differs for me. A youth group around here means something like the boy scouts. Of course, this could mean something horrible to Derek as well, since he is an anti-social piece. I think what you are talking about we call reform school. Of course, I think this is harsh for him for this situation, because he was very much provoked into the outburst, and there was no real physical violence. Of course, afterwards there was with someone completely different.
This was a good chapter, where you showed Derek down, then brought him up with some good things happening, then you dash him against the rocks at the end.
It does seem strange that no one has suggested such things for Derek before, because he has been in multiple fights.
Well,onto the next chapter.
| Alteng 8/18/09 . chapter 14
This chapter title is quite proper. Ariel is most definately a bitch! You can't have any kind of sympathy for her at all in this, even if she acts shame faced. I felt so sorry for Derek during this.
Some issues that I have with this chapter though is the cafeteria scene. There is just too much girl talk going on there. The thing with the girl's birthday has no revelance upon the story. We already know about Ariel's friends. So, I thought this bit dragged a bit.
Criminal Investigation! You have that kind of classes in high school! That seems to be more of a college course study to me. We only learned general things in our high school like English, math, history, social studies, art/music, and forgein languages, or else there were the office kind of classes that taught typing and such.
Also, I think the teacher was terribly unfair in this, but that might be the way she is suppose to be perceived. After all, the others were provoking Derek into the fight.
| Alteng 8/17/09 . chapter 13
You are fairly much the center of attention at this point, thus the reason for frequent reviews.
It seems kind of cowardly of Ariel to send this Lisa after him, but she did kind of tell him that it was over. I dislike her for this, but I kind of understand. It is funny that she is friends with Ariel, but she is not part of the Robyn fan club.
Again there is that bit with Wolf and his sayings. Again another hint about an attraction to Robyn. You have done very well with the slash so far in this story. I don't normally read that kind of story, but I will.
The entrance of the subconscious seems like it will cause an interesting twist on things. How will Wolf feel about it? How will the new therapist feel about Wolf?
| Alteng 8/17/09 . chapter 12
Okay, another chapter down.
I think the description of the hospice visit was really good on describing Derek's emotions. I still think Ariel is a jerk, and Erin a bigger one, but I am not there to really judge how irratating Derek is.
In a way, it would have been interesting to see her reaction to him explaining everything. Did he explain that there is a wolf beanie in his room giving him orders? That would probably make her take a hesitant step away from him, and she likely would never associate with him again.
It is about time that Kim looked for another therapist for Derek, but the incident seems rather insignificant to all the other things he has done. Wanting to see your comatose sister and telling her your problems is not as far out there as some of the things that Derek has been doing.
Still, it has been a very good read.
| Alteng 8/16/09 . chapter 11
Derek has some serious mental issues. I am surprised that he isn't on prozac or something, but you did mention that the psycatrists wanted nothing to do with him because he was too far advance.
Anyway, I think the aneurysum thing was too briefly touched upon and moved on. I think it kind of deserved another chapter unto itself. The doctor seemed to take it a bit out of context, given that it was such an easy operation. It seemed to cause far too much stress on the parents. True, this did show that there is still some love between Michael and Kim left.
And you said that Lyn is a little bitch. Erin has her beat. Lyn has the excuse that she is a 7 year old. I would have liked to have seen Derek bloody her. I am kind of disappointed in Ariel because of this, and she has no interest in standing up for Derek at all. That was cold. It makes me wonder what he could see in her.
| Alteng 8/16/09 . chapter 10
Okay, now you are starting in with the hints that Derek might be interested in the same sex. This was done in a rather classy way, since you are hinting that he was rather enjoying Ariel's rant about the sexy guy and ending the chapter with Derek enjoying Robyn's sexy hazel eyes.
I am surprised that the principle wasn't the one to run Derek down in the bathroom. We had very strict standards in my school, and you didn't push a teacher out of the way without consequences. Of course, I would figure that this teacher would realize that Derek was ill. All the more reason to send someone in to check on him. I am just ranting on.
I will have to say that I do like the spacing out that Derek does. So far, this story is still really good, even with the interaction of the high school students.
Given the direction that Derek is going in, I can come up with some scenarios or speculation as to how he is going to save his sister. One of which is he is going to take on her spirit in mind, or at least think her soul resides in his body. Of course, I could be completely wrong, but I like to think in those ways.
| Alteng 8/16/09 . chapter 9
Thisi s still going along good. I, personally, think that if I were Derek, I would have to throw Wolf out the window somewhere. Or, maybe his mother should do it for him. After all, it's not good for a teenage boy to be so fond of a wolf beanie, but that would make the plot not move as well.
I don't know if you intend this, but you don't call Kim Derek's mother or his mother. This makes her seem very impersonal and uncaring. She's just another adult out there that knows nothing about what is going on in her teenage son's head, and maybe a bit more clueless than the average parent.
It does seem that Derek has gotten into a routine, and he has almost a normal life, except talking to the beanie. It is strange how accurate Wolf is on things. Either you are suggesting some kind of bogie, or Derek is a very observant person, who is subconsciencely deducing the things like his mother needing help in the kitchen and the drugs in his sister's mattress. All the same, it makes for an interesting psychotic character.
| Alteng 8/15/09 . chapter 8
I will give you that the beginning of this story was very good, and I was tempted to add it to my favorites, but I am one of those that doesn't add a lot to my favorites. So, I am going to hang in there and see where you go from here.
This chapter is not bad. Ariel is a bit much for me. I guess it is because Derek is so such a downer person. I like him, mind you.
You did a lot of nice description in this chapter again. I do find it hard to believe that he would befriend Ariel, but opposites do attract.
I like how bored Derek is with the whole tennis match and how he wished it would end. This is a very identifying feeling, especially when someone is not feeling well.
| Alteng 8/14/09 . chapter 7
So far I am still with you. This seems to be the transistion chapter that takes Derek from his home problems and the worry about his sister back to school and Robyn.
I am surprised that Derek was not put away for awhile. This is a strange little thought for you, and I don't know how much revelence it would have upon someone of only 13 years. If you try to kill yourself with a weapon in Kentucky, it is a criminal offense. Also, if you threaten suicide, you are locked up for a week in the hospital. Don't ask why I know these things.
Anyway, I take it that Monique is still alive and in her coma.
| Alteng 8/14/09 . chapter 6
Again, there is the question of Derek's sanity. I would think that the whole thing is a delusion. After all, I can't imagine why this Greg would come back to the house without Kim in tow. That is just a freaky thought, since it seems that the two are just dating and not living together.
The self mutilation thing was definate hint that the boy is losing his marbles. I think I am a bit jealous, because my insanity scenes are not ranking up there with this yet.
I wonder if all this is from the bag of drugs that was in his sister's dresser that he was thinking about before his mom left with Greg.
| Alteng 8/12/09 . chapter 5
Ah, I see. So, Deerek is trying to kill himself for his sister. This is weird.
It is odd that Kim lets her son out of her sight after the hospital trip. I would think she would be terrified by what he might do. She has to understand that he is going through some mental instabilities, especially since he is talking to a beanie. I am surprised that she didn't take the wolf away from him and burn it.
I don't understand the measuring bit, but I guess this will become clear later. And, I see that you are preparing us to meet Greg.
This is a very interesting story so far, and I am really enjoying it.