I read the summary and it seems like it has a nice plot, something I'd normally read. But, this is difficult to read. There are run on sentences and it just doesn't flow very well at all. Like, the beginning paragraph, I was bored already, I couldn't even finish this to be honest. I know though that if you get someone to look it over and make some suggestions here and there, this'll be a great story. :D

Keep that in mind with all of your works. :)

It was good sweet, though a bit rushed... I loved it though! :)