|Reviews for Three, Two, One, a Monologue|
| yuanyuan 6/5/10 . chapter 1
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| moongazer7 12/19/08 . chapter 1
Hello Broken Winged Bird
I love your piece. Very practical kind of scenario as many face it, if not all. Making that right choice is essential, and I like how you portrayed that feeling. I have never seen that kind of decision mapped on paper yet with us amature writers. Yes, I’ve seen enough professional writers doing it, but never in works that isn’t published. The hesitating was really realistic. I also like how you reasoned out your piece. Your piece inspires me to write my own piece on a similar topic. I think this one is generally better for the auditioning, as it’s a less violent subject and it might go better with someone’s approval. Your teacher might be more impressed, as it’s just really philosophical or what today’s people call deep. If I was listening to both pieces as two drama teachers, I think the teacher which heres this one will have more of a chance of letting you in.
All right, here you go on my favorite author’s list!
| NekuraSunshine 12/5/08 . chapter 1
i agree, it's not really something anyone would say. I'd make it a tad more colloquial, and a bit less structured. Like, when you're plainly stating which road leads where, it seems a bit wooden for a monologue.
keep working at it, though, you're a good writer :)
| maximusrexmundi 12/4/08 . chapter 1
hmm, it is an interesting monologue... I like the whole premise of it, but I think it may be a bit hard to pull off, you know? I think it also seems a bit too formal. I have read a few monologues, mostly Shakespeare, and I think what this is missing is just that small mental element. For instance, Hamlets monologue (to be or not to be...) is very similar to this, but it has that jumping feeling. He goes down a mental path, then looks around to see where he is, and goes on. This sounds more like a mental road map, and you are deciding whether to take king street or Albany way. My suggestion would be to loosen up the dialog and make it more the way you would naturally flow. Instead of stating what your intention is, why not make it seem as though you come across the two roads, and you are imagining what could lie beyond. You start talking about one as the path to enlightenment, and then turn to see that your own will lies in the way. Then you doubt your choice, and consider the other, the path to hell, and find fear in your heart, but also that sense of adventure.
I guess my suggestion really is to not structure it the way that you have, where you give the choices, then the options, then show your act. Give each choice with its option, then dream, then give the others, and dream. It is a monologue, meant to give insight into the very nature and conscious of the speaker. There is no reason, there is only desire, and nature, and dreams.
Wow, that was longer than I thought! Who knew I was such a critic! lol I hope that helps?
| Masked Truth 12/4/08 . chapter 1
This sounds more like a poem than a monologue. The questions you have to ask yourself are: who is saying this(what's the characteristics), is this how my character would talk (reading it I don't believe anyone would talk like this unless reciting a poem), what are the real life choices the character is facing (I would have him/her debate those instead of a hypothetical generality).
This a good start to a piece but I'd like to see a lot more development. Honestly this piece just doesn't sound like something anyone would speak or think. I'd keep it but develop it.
Good luck. It's a good start.