I like the starting, it's kinda powerful and meaningful about not being a loser o anything else, I like the whole song.

Hey,

I can imagine that writing this all down would make you feel really great! I liked the word choice because it wasen't the same thing that everyone writes about, wishing that they could be accepted.

Remember that everyone on FP loves you! We are all a little better for having read your work...

Lady Alera Van Hexis

You've captured it all. Aside from a few spelling-errors, it's all perfect. Found a melody for it yet? Ooh, and happy holidays!

I liked the ending statement, about how all religions preach about being kind to one another, and yet very few people are kind to others. Nicely done.

Something of a critique, but not too deep.

"Yet some of them view me as dissimilar, always treating me like I’m nothing but one thing." This line stuck out to me because it was a bit longer than the others. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I think you should be aware some other people would say that you should shorten it... to me, it sounds great.

"Why cannot they open their eyes?" I would suggest just saying "can't." Cannot doesn't seem to fit so well in this type of poem/song.

I like the rhythm this piece had. I loved the vocabulary, it was very refreshing! I like the subject matter, and you portrayed your views really well. You're not complaining or whining, but telling people that it's just not right the way they act.

This is a really nice, true piece.

One thing though--you said the first stanza (or was it paragraph?) was the chorus. I think your spacing got screwed up when you uploaded it because there aren't any defined line breaks. You might want to look into that again.

Great piece. Keep it up.

-stix-