I finally caught up with your chapters! I don't know how long it took, but i did it! All I have to say is i'm impressed by the scope of the fights that you've written. I'm really liking Seiji and his fights right now, it's intense right now. Though I sort of wish there wasn't so much fighting and more character interaction, but then again you need the fights. Anyway sorry that it took me so long to review but school started up again and I've been busy so it might take me a while to review your chapters. Regardless I still am looking forward to your updates in the near future!

Wow! This is awesome! This feels like a real pilot for a anime/manga! Only real issue for me was the was a bit too much buildup leading to the climax and probably should be split into two parts, but this is understandsble based on your statement that this pilot is a combination of the first few chapters of the main story. Hope I can catch up... (153 chapters to go!)

Hey there. Picked up this piece quite some time ago. But seeing it in my pal Sock my Rock's community prompted me to read more. So um, yeah. Basically me sucking up for your eventual review of my story. Teehee. *Smirks mischievously*

So far, these fourteen chapters are still introductory for me. I have a decent grasp of your characters, though I have yet to take a specific like or dislike to any of them. Their interactions I find to be a good breather. Of course you have the occasional teen anxiety, but they are not without reason. Ayumi . . . seems a bit more harsh than she should be at times though, but I'm sure her reasons will be played out.

Kudos for your interesting concept of these unique powers coming forth from the mind. You've written your action scenes in good detail, though I admit so far they are your stereotypical Shounen, but it's all up to my expectations. Still too early for me to comment on anything more.

And last I would like to give my thoughts on your writing style. You did good showing of detail in quite a number of scenes like the battles. There is definitely flow to your writing.

I do have a little issue, however, with the many times you 'tell' in your writing. You tell what your characters' feelings, decisions or thoughts are most of the time instead of showing merely their actions as they are. You tell so much about the character's relations, instead of just showing how they interact with each other, and there's where I lose a bit of interest at times. I just can't keep up with all the information dumped onto me. Still, I do like how I can portray all the imagery in my head when you show, some great writing there.

Well, that's all I have to say for now. I'll definitely keep on reading!

I just became a huge Yumi fan! I find hat voice that she hears is interesting and I'm positive that it's going to play a huge role later on in the story. Everything is continuing to falling into place. Atlantis seems to be your usual civilization where government is a bit oppressive, and the troops don't care who they kill as long as they get the job done. Can't wait to see where you'll be taking it from here!

I guess it's time for the next arc. I'm glad that Yuki and his friend are going with him. That way it's not just him and Ayumi. Oh I have a feeling that pooh is going to hit the fan when they get there. Looking forward to what you have in store in next!

Well it was interesting seeing everyone's life after Yuki could control his power. It me get to feel more for the characters that I already knew, and I started to take a liking to more (including Ayumi :P). Which makes me starts to think that Yuki is interested in Ayumi... or is just my imagination. Anyway still loving your story and just gonna keep reading more!

Yuki finally became a man! And it seems that his powers are a whole lot stronger than expected. Good to see that Yuki doesn't need to depend on anyone anymore for protection. I wonder what's going to happen now that Yuki can control his powers. This story is still great and I hope it keeps getting better as I go along!

Another 20 chapters down! It took me longer than usual to read and review it this time cause I had stuff to do. Well lots of stuff went on and I have to say my favorite event out these twenty was the whole Seiji thing. It really let me see what the relationship were like before the actual series. I pleased with everything that happened so far, and Yuki continues to grow on me. I'm still lovin your story, and I'll continue reading this great story!

Okay 21 chapters down only 126 chapters to go!... Man I still have way to much ready, but my mind needs to rest or it will blow up! I have no idea how you've managed to write 147 chapters, but I'm glad you did as I now have something to keep me occupied for the next couple of days or weeks. Just sort of telling you right now I'm going to review once every 20 chapters or around there because I'm no where close to being done reading this giant story.

Anyway, I'm really like your story so far. The only character I honestly I can say that I like as of this point is Saki. Yuki is starting to grow on me, but other than that other than Ayumi who irritates me occasionally no one else so far I can say that I like or hate. That being said your story seems very Shonen, but I have this feeling that your going to take this Shonen story and turn it into a great Shonen I hope. Nothing really other to say as of this point other than your story is great and interesting and I hope it continues to draw me in more as I read along! So that being said please keep up the great work and update soon or not, I already have enough to read! :P I'll see you in 20 more chapters!

Ok so i shall point out a couple of mistakes if i find any. These two are in the same paragraph.

"It was difficult to tell, but if closely stared (I mentally added an at here when first read it so you might want to add an at here) it he actually had very dark blue hair rather than the typical black that most Japanese did."

"The contrasting light brown eyes he had blinked one more time before he stepped forward to wake up the rest of the way."(this sentence didnt make sense the first couple of times i read it. Therefore i think it should be like this: He had contrasting bright brown eyes which he blinked once more time in the mirror. This helped him to remove all remnants of sleep before stepping into the daylight. This makes a little more sense if youre not happy with it then my mum read it with emphasis and it made sense so you could just put in a clause here instead))

Still very good so far. Do you write this in a notebook or on the computer? I have been noticing a few mistakes within each chapter do you want me tyo scrutinise these and point them out so then your chapters can be perfecty? Let Me Know.

Thanks,

(Ben)

Great first chapter

A Little Confused about the prologuey bits as you talk about Awakening? What are you on about because i cant find anything?

Thanks

Amazingly written, you have a great way with words! I'm enthralled by it and eager to read more!

Keep being inspired,

O.

Wow it's been awhile but I still remember the gist of this story (guess you're just one of those writers who leaves an impact on somebody) and it's greatly improving.

The two things I might criticize are the huge description on Ayumi's uniform. We've got a whole paragraph just dedicated to what she's wearing, that's a little bit of over-kill personally. Then again that is my opinion.

The other is minor Yuki, Yumi and Ayumi... Wahhhh too amny Y's, U's and I's . That's just a tiny bit confusing. This might be subverted though as I have watched Rumiko Takahashi's fire tripper with Shukumaru, Shu, Suzu and Suzuko. Even though that had plot relevance I myself try to limit the characters that have too much of the same letters.

Anyway overall awesome job and loving the drama, but with cliff hangers I have to warn you SO many authors use that instead of ending instead of sprinkling cliff hangers through stories and using them as an actual ending rather than the plot devices that they are so easy does it.

Well Ja Ne for now SanjiandSerea.

If you wish to review me back do on chapter one of Gobou Doujou Otome. (And don't worry about how much time it takes it's not a track and field event :))

This is a decent piece.