Thanks for the name of the book :D Oh God, Louise needs to leave Estella alone! As for Cassandra...I feel so bad for her now.

I did find a couple of spelling mistakes towards the end, but they didn't detract too much from the chapter. Overall, a good chapter!

Great chapter! But I have to say this...Louise is evil!

What's most interesting about your story is that you're telling the stories of three girls in one story; most authors would stick to one girl's story. I've actually written something similiar to yours (with 2 main female leads, a noble lady and a peasant)but the story's in first person...I don't know how well that turned out. Anyway, keep writing!

Good chapter. You seem to repeat a few things more than needed though, for example character's names may be mentioned more than it is needed. But otherwise its good and I wanna read more xD

PoisonedRazorBlades
xx

This was a very intense chapter.

Estella...wow, she susprised me in this chapter, but she has every right to be angry with Cassandra I think. You've portrayed all the complex emotions of the characters very well.

A mistake that bothers me: When Louise is harranguing Benny, he says, "how dare you show me such impotence." I think the word you're looking for is "impertinence."

NO, Cassandra has given in! This can't end well...especially with Louise around. I like that ominous hint you put in there: "somehow his plan was made easier b her involvement with his brother."

Poor Lucy without a "romantic bone in her body"; I'm the same unfortunately.

Keep writing! :D

Thanks for the character list :D

I'm going to keep reading...though slowly because I have so much homework to do. I really want to see who ends up with whom. And hopefully none of them will drown like the man who loved a mermaid.

Is there any way you can kill off King Edward? I hate him. But you don't have to if you don't want to :)

Lovely chapter though I feel even sorrier for Cassandra, who has to deal with that kiss-stealing king. Aw, and Richard was jealous of Louise...

The upcoming execution of Lord Wilson...I blanked on why that's significant. Estella's father? (I'm too lazy to go back and look). If you have the time, a list of characters (who they are, who they're related to) would be nice. :)

I like Richard. He's the typical, jealous, bitter younger brother who (I hope) ends up being a good, charming man in the end. As for King Edward, he's creepy! Poor Cassandra...

GR! I really want to punch Cassandra's father right now. What kind of father would tell his daughter to bed a king, who's practically a man-**!? It's despicable what men (and women too) will do for power and access to the king's secrets. In any case, I'm very intrigued to find out how this will all turn out.

Medieval stories have the best intrigues; they have the saddest situations and the cruelest, but they also have people with love and courage to balance the latter out.

I forgot to mention before how descriptive your writing is. I envy your ability to paint a picture (no pun intended) with your words. Well, keep writing and fix those grammar issues if you can!

Lady Loor

“The morning sun was raising slowly over the city, she could see this from the small space between her curtains.” The sun never raises. It rises. You need a semi-colon between “city” and “she.” A semi-colon comes between two different sentences that relate closely to one another. For example:

“He couldn’t believe it; the chipmunk had just talked to him.”

Watch your quotation style. Because I’m lazy, I won’t go through the quotation rules. Just look in a book for quotation styles in regard to where to put commas.

Also, when a character addresses another by name, you need a comma after the name. For example:

“Henry, what are you doing here?” asked Joanna.
“Er, I’m not quite sure,” he answered.

Furthermore:
Quote: ‘ think of your marriage prospects Molly’ Estella scoffed, ‘Every man will want you, Especial with the queen being one of your kinsmen’. :Unquote. I recommend re-reading and editing every chapter before you post it. “Especial” is an adjective, so you need to put “especially” there. The last bit of the sentence is awkward. You could rephrase it as: “with the queen as your kinswoman.”

Quote: ‘I tried but it’s sealed shut, I may break it if I try too much’ Cassandra confessed before wrapping it up again. ‘So what do you think Estella?’. Estella glance once more at it before answering. : Unquote. Keep your tenses consistent. Cassandra confessed and Estella glance? Maybe you were in a hurry, but the change in tense startled me.

Your story is rather confusing. Too many characters put into one chapter. In any case, I am curious to see how this will end what with Lucy falling in love with a drunken servant and Richard intrigued by Estella...I hope I’ve been helpful.

Lady Loor