|Reviews for Athenta|
| Chasing Skylines 4/26/09 . chapter 1
[Claudius was intrigued by the mysterious woman, she was cloaked from head]
Comma splice. Period I know for sure would work, but I think a semi-colon could too.
[A lovely light voice, he smiled at the figure.]
Don't see how these two relate to each other. Is it saying with a lovely light voice he smiled at her? I don't think smiles have tone... I'm thinking "a lovely light voice" was describing the woman. Perhaps you should have a period after voice instead of a comma.
[It seemed almost as if the skin that wasn’t covered by her flowing cape turned a light shade of red. She blushed]
The two lines are saying the same thing. I say take out "she blushed."
[Claudius felt a wave of anticipation, if the rest of her was]
Comma splice. Either a period or semi-colon to replace.
[The woman raised hers; the cape covering her arm as she extended her hand, Claudius heard the clink of gold, and grinned. ]
I think the comma after hand is incorrect. The sentence itself could do with a rephrasing.
[so intricate it was, that it only showed up now he was close.]
Not sure, but I don't think the comma after was is correct.
Speed read, speed read...
[“Let me pass”]
Missing ending punctuation.
[“Crone?” disbelief coloured her tone.]
Not a tagline. Disbelief should be capitalized.
[he couldn’t believe it,]
He should be capitalized.
[Athenta grinned, “Part of the crew?]
Grinning doesn't make words. Period after grinned.
Badass character (I think she killed someone?).
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| Galadriel1010 1/3/09 . chapter 2
Brilliant! And I particularly love your use of the word 'sashay'. It's a great word