it's pretty, but the line breaks don't flow well. in other words, it's not very poetic, even if it does have good imagery. don't break in random places to try to sound more poetic.

for example,

Hold me tighter or never let go or other words you'll

Never say. They trickle up like the tinkling of bells,

Silver secrets pure as brass entwined forever in my

Hand.

don't break "never say" from the rest.. it doesn't flow. the break of "hand" from the previous sentence doesn't flow well either. just put it as part of the previous sentence. it sounds a lot better and much less awkward.

it does have pretty language though, i guess...

just don't try too hard.

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It was a bit disappointing... good imagery, but it did not sound poetic at all to me. Not at all.

The words flowed so beautifully...wow.

This is a horribly disappointing attempt at sounding poetic. The extra details make me want to shove a sock in your mouth. (You make it sound as if your were reciting this lyrical crap) Please do not try to be a philosophical if you are going to be so serious, or otherwise have no such extraordinary point to make. Ordinary points can sometimes sound impressive if worded properly. I couldn't get past the first few sentences, a first for me.

This gave me goosebumps. Beautiful word choice and imagery. Favorite line would have to be "delicate spiders on my palm, tracing whispers". (:

Really lovely images - I loved the poem, the way its tone was so formal, but you were speaking of childrens' feelings, emotions, and senses.

I would remove the "and" in the first line of the third stanza, and put a question mark (though this is optional) at the end of hearts.

Other than that, a very powerful poem. :)

Keep writing!

Effervescent-Sentiments

Your word choice in this poem was beautiful. I think that's what stood out to me the most. Very well done )

After all this while, I'm still impressed by your work I must say. Technically I thought this was faultless; the last line of each stanza was neat. I felt this poem was very well thought through, and again, brilliant job with the words and all. You do know how to write a good poem.

Keep it up!

this is beautiful.

utterly beautiful.

it displays the wonderful analytically chosen phrases for things beyond your analysis. i love how riddle with symbolism it is. And you have no idea how much effect the word ethereal voice has on me. wonderful. keep it up.