 Jesse the Storyteller 2008-12-27 . chapter 1This poem makes less sense than the last one, hahaha. I wish you had some clarity - I'd rather like to know what is going on in your brain.
"i'm / running / too / fast" is a nice stanza. The one word on each line thing really gives it more impact. :)
I don't like how short this poem is. It's too short to make a whole lot of sense, and clarity is what it lacks the most. :(
-Jesse
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile) |
 Isca 2008-12-23 . chapter 1"I'm running too fast." I could almost hear someone running--their breathing ragged, their steps forced. Good emotion and imagery here! :) |
 SomeoneToLove 2008-12-23 . chapter 1wow. This is amazing. I love how it has so much emotion in so few words. And I LOVE how you do the last bit on four different lines. It gives a much better impact than if you'd had it all on the one line...:D
Amazing. |
 fatbird33 2008-12-23 . chapter 1nice. i know how you feel. i liked what you did with the last stanza! |
 AStrangerToYou 2008-12-23 . chapter 1Loved it. And the way you use every word, like every one is important. Wow. :) |