Congratulations on winning the Review Marathon! 2nd place rocks! :D Here is your prize!

I really liked the first scene with Charles Rain and then that snob. Both were very strong in their personalities, and I liked that, it was endearing :) Auto is also kinda cute, haha, the way she rambles reminds me of Dory from Finding Nemo :o

The story is going well so far. You have good amounts of descriptions and dialog and "regular" writing.

I am a bit "meh" regarding the main character so far. He seems sort of empty of personality at the moment, though I don't know if that is because all the other characters have such strong presence or that he is just not showing his personality or what not.

Either way, I think this is continue-worthy :)

-Frac

I thought that the question "Can you fix it?" seemed a little bit strange at first, because even though you'd said the guy was oil-covered, it's kind of rude to assume that he'll fix a broken thing. But hey, maybe the people in this universe are kind and friendly. Or perhaps I'm just cynical XD

'The man had red hair and a red mustache, and a red face to match.' I like the repetition of 'red' in this. At first I thought woah too much, needs something different, but then I saw the third red and understood :P

'The pilot tried to explain that he had just arrived in town, but wasn't given the opportunity' Perhaps a better way of phrasing this at the beginning would be: 'The pilot started to explain that he had just arrived in town, but wasn't given the opportunity to continue' or something... I don't know, it just sounded a bit awkward in phrasing to me. But although I think it works well as it is, it can probably be improved.

I like the character of the officer, I think he adds comedy to the story. :) 'You should see it, and if you don't, then you're blind.' LOL what a welcome, I love it :P

I like the presence in red in this story ('red hair', 'red oil can' etc). I think it adds something which ties it altogether (not that it needs tying...lol).

'It was a beautiful piece of aircraft, had it not been so horribly taken care of.' I think here you should say 'It would have been a beautiful piece of aircraft, had it not been so horribly taken care of.' because methinks it's in conditional tense...but don't quote me on that.

Yay! Red again! Lol...

'She offered him a hand up, which he didn't take, and stood up on his own.' Okay, this phrasing makes it sound as though she's the one that 'stood up on his own'. Maybe rephrase to:
'She offered him a hand up, which he didn't take, instead choosing to stand up on his own.'

'The girl noticed them and wrinkled her nose at being wrong.' I like this sentence, it's a good image and links in well to before.

'The walking oil spill' hehe, good description.

I think you're right about Auto's character, she seems to change from one person into another by the end of the chapter. I do think you've got a good start with her though.

Please don't delete the red law officer!! I like him. He adds comedy and he makes the setting seem more natural, in that other people notice this great big plane crash other than the mechanic.

I think that the dialogue flows brilliantly and that the wording you've used is also amazing.

I am interested in the world! I want to know more :P
Hmm...first impressions of the world are that it's futuristic, perhaps centered around work? and it has some sort of problem law wise (red officer + Auto's questions at the end.)

I think that this is a really great start to a story, and please bear in mind that the things I've picked out that could be improved are massively outweighed by the good things in this story.

:D

-Amy

'and Marius was terribly afraid of heights.'
As long as you show it, you don't need to tell us.

'He still had to close his eyes as he hopped down from his plane and put as much distance between himself and the edge as possible.'
Haha, nice imagery there.

'"Congratulations! You have managed to crash land on Caerus, and it was one of the most brilliant displays of a person's good luck that I have ever seen before in my life!"'
Is is just me or was that supposed to sound sarcastic. 0.0

'One wing was barely holding on. The tail was bent. The glass on the front was cracked.'
The abruptness of the sentences can be perceived as his slowly taking in the damage, right? Or if not, you could combine two of these for a little more variety.
Wait, lots of was's. That is a sure-sign of telling. Also, did you mean to input some emotion here on Marius' part? Such as, since he hates heights, he doesn't really care much for the plane?

'"P...r? No... I think that's a c. Or an o." He mumbled to himself as he walked. "Actually it might be an a. I should have stopped him before he-"'
=P Talking to himself? Haha, I actually like those weird characters. Character building I will see it as...

'Impatience began to spread throughout his mind as he felt himself being scrutinized by this scarlet man.'
This should be consistent later; I didn't expect him to feel this way, I more expected him to look down or something. But, it's barely into the first chapter, so it's fine as of now, since the character is being built on. It's hard to say these things when you review while you read...

'"I really have no idea. I was on my way to-" '
Haha, subtly trying to hide something from the reader, pass it off, or engaging their awareness?

'the officer puffed out his chest a little.'
Woot! A showing tag!

'The paper was snatched'
It's passive voice. Was is a good indicator, usually.

'"No one can ever read that man's handwriting, don't even bother. I'd be surprised if he could read his own handwriting!'
XD I hate my handwriting so much I don't even write much anymore; I type.

'At first he didn't see the shop and mockingly expressed his fears of going blind.'
Haha, mocking one's self? Is he self-depreciating?

Hmm, you could have some more variety in sentence length, but it's not noticeable unless you look real closely.

'Marius stepped quietly in the doorway, taking in the sights and sounds with absolutely no interest. The building was at least four stories tall, but was comprised mainly of one large room resembling a hangar. Along one side, there were stairs leading up to three or four offices, and there seemed to be a small supply cabinet and a bathroom in one corner. The entire place appeared to have just as much grease in it as its owner and echoed every single sound, causing a racket beyond description. Littered throughout the building were three planes and four automobiles of various sizes and shapes. Each one had one or two men working on it. Towards the back, right next to the hangar door, was a navy blue plane.'
Haha, I totally just skimmed this chapter. If you could, scatter or save the descriptions for later, or integrate it with the dialogue I see a little below this; not to mention they don't have any tags, so it'll hopefully work there.

Showing: A few of the mechanics had wandered from their work to admire the new arrival, and Marius listened to their comments with interest.
Telling: It was a beautiful piece of aircraft
I'd like a description of how it is 'beautiful,' at least. You say it isn't anymore; how? Any signs? He is a pilot after all; he should at least take note of some of it.

Haha, apparently the five lines of dialogue don't need tags. But, I still don't like that approach. People all too often use the multiple comments at once thing; it's practical, but I wish a writer would find some other way for once.

Haha, I like the way you gave his eye color; no mirror scenes, none of that 'first paragraph gotta get the descriptions done' crap.

The girl who had been sitting beside him immediately scrambled to stand up. "Sorry, I don't mean to bother you."
XD So that's why she was trying to predict his eye color.

Ah, oops never mind. Brain crash there. She was guessing, I even said that. Blue-grey it is, then. Haha, Not Another Tall Character. It's either that or the Short Character.

'The pilot nodded sleepily. '
Adverb use is typically seen as 'telling,' though I'd rather have the story move on then describe his facial expression at the moment, so... It's fine as it is.

"Why don't you come upstairs to my office where we can actually hear each other."
=) Showing through dialogue is easy and effective.

'walking oil spill'
XD While overdone (I mean the oil thing as a whole), I still like the imagery.

'but seemed to be polluted by Mr. Rain's very presence.'
Haha, like the description.

', and lectured him on treating his aircraft so poorly.'
Don't need that; or rather, show it through dialogue. I would go to say that this is laziness, since I've seen/mentioned spots before where you could at least put a little bit of info on airplanes. Not to info dump, but provide/clarify the reader's mental image.

Wow, you use 'he' a lot; it's okay, but since you gave his name, you could use it every now and then. I think it's Marius? Yup. I just say this because I just read through one of the larger paragraphs that only has that; he did this, he went there, etc.

'"What are you, some kind of sky pirate?"'
Haha, reminds me of Final Fantasy, and that book series with the drawings (can't remember title) that went through three generations of pirates. That book with the ships made out of 'buoyant' wood? Haha, sorry, went off on a tangent there...

'."You'
XD Missing a space.

'"I can assure you that there is nothing at all suspicious about me. It's all in your head." He turned again to leave.'
-_-'' More like 'It's all part of the plot!'

'Marius glared down at her. "Trust me. I have nothing to hide. Now will you please let me leave?"'
What the crap do you think we're smoking? Auto has it right!

'He didn't stop feeling their burning glare until he was at least a block away from the shop and could breathe easily.'
I encourage the adverb use, since it works here. Haha, somewhat of a cliffhanger, in the long run/short run.

Dialogue is okay, since it's not Earth and I can't judge the realism here.

You surprisingly didn't say much about the world, as I see it, for a prologue. Nothing to care about here regarding the world.

My first impression is like I said; a modern version of that book series, or Final Fantasy... VII? Or VI? You know, somewhat futuristic or different with flying islands in the sky. Or it could just be an endless world of sea with islands floating. Or space, with 'planet islands.' Haha, now that's just my imagination going wild with no thoughts relating to the story...

Haha, I tried to make this review good and non-personal, so hopefully it is! If it's not, watch out for karma, I hear...

I thought the dialogue flowed well and was clever. The story moved a little quickly, in the beginning--I'd like to get a bit of a view of Marius' surroundings before the red-faced policeman appears (I got a very clear picture of him, btw--very good) shows up. I could picture the plane and the people, but not the landscape.

I like the characterizations so far--good details, with the frightened, sortof lackadaisical pilot and the mechanic with the terrible handwriting, and Auto's speculations. I imagine it as a sort of steampunk world, with biplanes. It's nicely 'used'-feeling, with all the grease and dirt. I'm interested in Marius, this pilot whose plane and registration are so interesting to everyone around him, but who is willing to let it alone for a month. I thought at first that it was part of his job, like he delivered messages or something, but it mustn't be that if he isn't with a company and can afford to be out of the skies for a month, right?I can't judge the world any more than that so far because I've only been given small glimpses of it.

Your prose is pretty good--"They each began to wonder what kind of man he could be, and started to rate his flying skills based on the condition of the aircraft alone." didn't sound like something that would be in a published book--too vague. I'd either cut it out or, much better would be to write their comments out. I also wouldn't switch to second person in the paragraph describing the outside of Rain's shop--keep it in third. You had a very authoritative, epic-style authorial voice in "It came about, in a world without limits, that Marius arrived at Blue Robin Skyport. ", but the second person didn't seem to sustain that.

I'm interested in seeing what happens next.

Before I give any constructive critisicm I'd like to say, WELL DONE. The story line was interesting in my point of view and the characters, however grumpy some of them may be are funny. I don't think you should delete the red faced man all together, unless you must. His witty addition to the book could last only in this chapter perhaps.

Now...as for grammar and such: You've done well on sentence structure and making things flow. There are a few grammatical mistakes here and there but they are small. The dialouge flows and you've put great transition sentence. I think that's all I can see for now. :)

-as.if.in.ink

P.S.
I would be very honored if you could return the favor and read the beginning of my book, and the excerpt I have included. I as well don't know where to go with it, and i have the WORST case of writers block. I'm adding on my chapters today so you can see more if you need more examples.
Thank you again.