A very fascinating read I must say.

If you didn't already notice, I make a habit of trying to connect things I read in stories from scenes I've seen in movies or other forms of media.

Athena City reminded me first of the glass dome from Watchmen, but strayed far from that once you said it was cold INSIDE the dome as well.

Overall, not too much happened in the chapter but you did get inside of Ed's head, which is something I as a writer, am not that great at executing. You do an excellent job of giving Ed that Jason Bourne-ish mentality- a figure on the run who is hunted down by some bigger force.

I'm not quite sure if this was the best chapter to introduce Hawk and the fact that there's bad blood between him and Ed. Personally, I'd save it for a later chapter when you do introduce Hawk, but hints on an interesting relationship to come.

Your use of nanomachines seems liberal(in the sense that they seem to be capable of doing a lot of things), but the technology is easy to follow and also gives insight into your scifi world.

The way you conclude the chapter with Ed's thoughts on killing Max Hammer is a bit morbid, but allows the reader to see how truly twisted Ed is. I think this is to your advantage, but I got a Dexter-vibe when reading that particular section.

All in all, good stuff. Looking forward to more Edward Ramses goodness.

Dude, epic cauterization.

How long has it been? A while. On to my review, christ it's been so long since i've given one of these.

What I liked:

The duality between Ed and Max. Very good way to establish their relationship, although I'm not sure if i can call it a rivalry because it seems very, very lopsided. I just never get the idea that Max is a legitimate threat.

Your writing flowed very well together. It didn't seem stale or repetitive in the least which made it a fast and compelling read.

The very cool use of the nanomachines. Maybe it's me, but I just didn't know they could do cool stuff like that.

Loved the ending of the chapter. Bring on the universe! Eff yeah!

What i didn't like: (not much)

You said "reptilian side of his brain" a lot. I thought that could have been a little stronger, switching it with something like "cold-blooded killer instinct", if that's what you were going for?

The dialogue seemed a little... comic-book-y. I know that's where this started and where it may return and despite the sci-fi trappings attached to the environment, i think it could have a sort of noir feel to it. At the very least to make the dialogue more apt for prose than comic form.

Anything else, I'm sure you'll hear from me at some point or another.

That is all.

M.C.

A rather interesting chapter. Your writing is still enjoyable as ever to read.

The story started rather abruptly I must say. The first sentence caught my attention but I think it jumped into the action a bit too fast. Perhaps I was looking to stay in Ed's head a little while longer before ** started to hit the fan.

He looked at what remained of Max’s head as if it were a wondrous piece of art, savoring the scene and feeling like he was reunited with an old friend that had been gone for too long. -- that line in particular reminded me of Dexter :P

For some reason, I saw flashes of Batman and Joker in this scene, with Ed being the former and Max being the latter. Barring the fact that one's a vigilante and the other is a criminal, Ed and Max's relationship is pretty similar to that of Batman and Joker (or at least that's how I see it) It's as the two of them are forever stuck in this inevitable dance.

Honestly, I don't know how Max could survive the shooting/burning to death. Maybe try for something a little more subtle if you want him to be a recurring character. And please don't say nanomachines :|

All in all a good chapter. I like the way you ended it. I could totally see. The vibe as I read the last two paragraphs was: So we'll hunt him because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight."

:P

Looking forward to see more of this.