I love this story. It's really well written and I especially loved the "Twenty and a half Mississippi’s" line. It is less literal than just saying "she fell into the ocean", and is such a child-like expression. It's something that a kid would say so it really helps me as a reader to gain just a bit more understanding of Cain's perspective at that moment.

The final two words were a powerful way to end the story.

Great job on this one. I cannot wait to read more of your work.

A well written piece. From a realistic standpoint a little silly, unless they both suffer from some severe mental dysfunction, since, ya know, even babies who've just learned to crawl stop themselves before crawling off a cliff. But stepping back from reality, it's interesting. A little more detail could help it along, but it's good.

Very interesting. I liked it, the concept of it. Very good. The only thing I would do is say, she'd asked and he'd replied, because it's past tense...in the past tense. lol, if that makes any sense at all. Good job.
Faith

Sweet, in the sense that I thought this was awesome and because two seven years olds jumping off a cliff in the belief they could fly is... sweet in a twisted way. I especially liked the mississippi counts, as I do quite clearly recall using that at seven. Puts things into perspective.

Realistically, I mean.

And Cain and Michael are relgious names. Ironic. Interesting. Possibly fitting. A whole story? I will be waiting.

-Ghost

More please! This was amazing, it tortures me to wait to read the whole story! There are few really talented authors on this website, but from what I can tell by this chapter, you're one of them.

Impressive childish horror! It's a tough blend, but you've pulled it off. Good work.

Hey i really like this story i dont think there's much to improve and a title might be hard to think of because we dont know the whole outline of the story but anyhow its pretty good! :)

This was simply wicked. I also loved the way you wrote her death as "Twenty and a half Mississippi's". Very nice.
And the ending is a bit chilling.
Wonderful work :]

Lol, great story, I wonder why Cain decided to jump... Also Cain is a very religious name, is that why you used it for this character? ^_^ Great job! I can't wait for the full story! Btw, a title could be Leap of Faith, or Scars of the Past, or just simply Scars.

Wow, this was amazing... I especially liked the two word summary at the end. That in itself was a chilling summary to such a definative story. Good job ^^

Ravens Wolf 23

Interesting. A short narrative snapshot, a story only told a little, which makes me wonder at exactly why the two thought they could fly... But of course, everything is possible when you're seven.

I like how this is written, especially since I didn't spot any errors at all. What I really liked, though was your use of:

[Twenty and a half Mississippis.] To describe the girls fall, rather than somethingnmore literal like, "And she kept going, all the way to the bottom."

And then the slight omission from the friend about what really happened: because it was a painful memory or because he was ashamed?

Anyway, this is good stuff,

-Beth