Wow, I really like this. The imagery is just so fresh and clear.

Some lines really blew me away, such as:

"when - the hour turns a shade too gray -

they begin to shiver, quiver, and sway (to an unheard temp). Beat,

they gather up their wits and go."

Fantastic.

This is some good slam, I'll tell you that. It's been awhile since I read (or heard) such engaging poetry on this site. This stands above the usual BS that people love to put up.

I think you did a great job making sure you wrote out the terms of pronounciation; otherwise, the effect of the slam would be a little lost on some readers. And I love your compact, powerhouse images: "damn and smelly and uncircumcised," "barrel-bullet-gunned/rage of passive fire," because of the life they bring to the poem.

One thing I would suggest clarifying is the woman crying in the shop. Perhaps something about why she's crying, or who she is, or who the men are and why they're questioning her.

On the whole, though, this baby packs a punch. Nice work.

CR