This is a great idea for a story. It doesn't seem cliche at all. In fact it's rather original. Yay for you~

I would suggest have more description though. Your story lacked a lot of depth due to the fact that you didn't describe things well enough. Your characters would develop far better if you described their actions and feelings in more depth.

So yea :]

Good job~
Update soon.

--Jessie my l o v e

p.s. pay it forward

Parts of it were good and interesting, and others were somewhat confusing. There's one thing I noticed, and it's that you sometimes switch between present and past tense. Also, you separate into different paragraphs some sentences which could go in the same one.
Other than that, I like the characters, though there were so many names it kind of confused me. The story also seems interesting, so I want to see how it continues.