This is so awesome Miss Jak! OMG! This dream world and stuff you created is like so totally cool. This is the first story for quite sometime that I found where it's like super good (with out all the M rated stuff). Your beta must be genius or you yourself lol. I love everything that's going on. And there are minuscule mistakes (like some missing words in the first chapter, but I think that may be a fiction press mistake). I am a bit peeved about there only being like two main characters besides the dad. But then again, I think that may be why I really like this too. But wow dude, this is so cool. I like the ideas you have here and it really got me thinking. I can actually believe everything easily, without much imagination. This is real thinking kind of story, and I like that. And I so can't wait for more, and I hate where you cut off lol. Well I hope you updates soon. Really fascinating writing. Happy writing, ja ne!

I love this so much, and when you get published, remember the little people. Honestly, I'm amazed by your talent, of course not just based on this chapter since I have been allowed to read more. D

And just so you don't think I'm being biased, I know your writing has some flaws, but they are greatly outweighed by the yuminess (

This was amazing. Very long, but I loved it.

It's original and was delivered beautifully. Usually when writing in first person people don't use a lot of description, but there was actually a lot of depth to this story.

Your characters were all realistic. No Mary-Sues or anything of that sort.

You better update this soon :]

-Jessie m p.s. pay it forward.