I really liked this, although I think it could be better.
The story was actually very good, as well as the interpretation, and I really liked the character development. Overall, you cleared everything there was to do in a first chapter.
But what I do not find was description, and punctuation at some places. But don't worry about those much, although you'd make your text more understandable by adding punctuation at places, mostly reference (such as a rank or name being called after a statement) is the big problem here.
I hope I helped you with this review, and I did not say anything unnecessary.
~Mira Tsukiyoen