 effervescent-sentiments 2009-01-06 . chapter 1I really like this. Wish I could hear it put to music. It gives me a "Hallelujah"/"American Pie" kind of feel.
"Rhetoric," "rhymes," and "Plato" are good because they're word-related. It's a really nice touch. I might suggest adding more. (: Like, maybe an "adage" "axiom" or "parable"? Other word-related things.
I love the line "I was there the day passion died," but the next line "burns down to only compassion" A, doesn't make sense sentence-wise, but B, I feel like it's not saying what you want it to. Here would be a good place to use one of my suggested word-related words, or one of your own. It could burn down to a parable, or a myth, or an adage, you know?
Very nice repetition. I don't like it in poetry, but I know that it can make or break a song.
~Effervescent-Sentiments |