0_0 HOLY SHEET!

*fangirl squee* you updated I lost track of what this story was about (such is the depth of my obsession with Vampuryan), and had to go back and reread... heh... *sweatdrop*

But this new chapter was beasty Luther's death? o.o that. was. creepy! I'll have to see if it was just a dream or if he did die...

Kisses!

Ariel

Who's Luther? And how does she know he's dead? Wow, lots of questions. Just makes it better for the next chapter. lol. Please hurry and update soon.

Pretty good chapter. Wander what's gonna happen to the guys. Hurry up and update. _

o.o Oh shiznit! Doryan and Aloysious better be able to handel themselves, or they're in for it!

Aww, last chapter... That's depressing... Maybe you could write another chapter of this one, as well? I could put it in the Cookie Contract! "One quality chapter for each story will be rewarded with a dozen cookies." ;P

Overall a good chapter, but again with the emotion. "For some reason unknown to her, fear began raking its razor-sharp claws inside her stomach. The terror became nearly overwhelming, constricting her lungs until every breath was a battle." Stuff like that to set the mood.

_

Ari

Ooh! Spookiness! So. Sister visits them all, and now they're all sitting ducks in the same house? XD That isn't going to end well. I love it!

Again, I think you could profit from investing a bit more in the emotion of the moment. It would add depth and length to your otherwise flawless chapters. Plus, it makes it easier to identify with the characters. You get to know a lot about someone when you can understand / read how they process emotion, and their thoughts on said emotions are laid out for the world to read.

Cheers

Ari

This one's seeming promising thus far! I like the plot you've got going here. I'm looking forward to following it through to wherever you take it!

The only constructively criticizing thing I can offer is that in both this story and others, there are a couple typos. I see no glaring grammatical or spelling errors.

OH, but one thing I think you could improve upon, since I hate giving gushing reviews alone (most days), is the scene where she sees her sister for the first time. I think it'd be a much more emotional scene if you got into Lilium's head a bit; use imagery to display her raw emotions and fears. That would help transition her dreams, to her waking, to her terror. It just seemed a bit fast to me, which in turn tends to make things seem a bit cheesier than they should or could be.

Love ya!

Ari

Very nice story so far. I really like it. Keep up the good work and update soon. _

Wow.. Did you mean to make her friends that hot?

wow kool chpater as well

gr8 story and plz kep on writing it

hey

lolz this was a good start i think

im definitly interetested in reading the rest of the story

plz write some more and soon

thanx

0_0! Wow! Very very nice there! I like how Lilium has such an attitude! Wish you would have described Father Luther a little more in depth but he sounds hot! Got a little spooky near the end there!