I really like this. :] I hope you update soon because you're so going in my favorites. :D




-Stace :]

Occasional spelling mistakes, but nothing major.
One thing I'd recommend would be to avoid having a character glance in the mirror to describe themselves. It's been used countless times now, in a lot of different books and stories, and it can often come off as cheesy or cliche. Not sure I can think of a replacement right now (it's been a long day, and I'm really tired) but if you can change that, I'd recommend it.
Your tenses occasionally changed, which can be a little disconcerting. Try to make sure you always stay in either past or present- but don't jump between the two.
As for the boy... I don't know if you're trying to make him mysterious or if it's meant to be obvious that he's a vampire. If it's meant to be mysterious, far from it. I'm guessing it's him that killed the person in the alley, or maybe one of his family.
Liked the cliffhanger. And please, don't take these points the wrong way. I'm just trying to help.

- C.

Little confusing, so, it's probably a good job you kept this short. The longer this sort of thing is, the more frustrating it gets to read through it, because all the time, the reader's wondering exactly what's going on. That can be a good thing but too much drives us crazy. But this seems interesting, and I'll probably keep reading.
Ah- like the little poem at the beginning. Intriguing.
This seems vaguely reminiscent of Twilight. Are you a fan, by any chance?

- C.

I Like, I Lust, I Love!!Please Update Soon!!