oh my goodness. this story is AMAZING! so well written, plot so thought out, it's how i wish every author on here would write like. i love your characters, and i love the direction the story is headed in. and i'm so glad i found it! i can't wait to see what else is in store. hope the month of november is going well for you :)

woot! go aralyn! lol can't wait until the next one! yay, lance is back! lol love ana!

~slitxeyes

I'm feeling very sad...I haven't heard from Gareth in a while :-(. Maybe I suffer from Stockholm syndrome... :-D

Aralyn is being awfully ** poor Farram. But I wish they would just tell her whatever they are keeping from her already!

I really can't see how you are going to end this any time soon...there is just so much left unanswered!

Oh and I like your chapter title...very clever :-D.

Hurry up with the next chapter!

woohoo! that was fun. lol can't wait until the next chapter! :D keep up the great work!

-slitxeyes

Yay I read another chapter! And it was great! xD

I have this terrible sense of foreboding though. Because I've become attached to Lance because of this section here. And I don't know. Maybe it's just me. But I have this terrible feeling that something bad is going to happen and I swear to God if something does. xD I will...gah. |: BE NICE. That's all I have to say for you. ._.

I noticed something that happens sometimes when you're writing- you have a tendency to put "had" in front of past tense verbs so it turns out something like, "had occured" or "had happened" or "had whatever" Lol. That's fine. It's a type of style that some people write with, but I think if you take out the "had"s in these areas, it actually strengthens the verb and the entire sentence. Makes it flow smoother. Just an opinion though, but you have some good verbs that I think just go a little weak when the "had" is placed in front of them. Another thing I noticed was in the beginning this line, “Then he actually did blast the door open in a fashion of which I didn’t approve”. It’s a little repetitive. xD I think it flows much better if you take out “in a fashion of which I didn’t approve” because when you blast a door open to anybody’s room, it’s a given that you don’t approve of it. xD

But God I love your dialogue here. You’re always good with dialogue. Excellent pacing between characters too. I’m not sure if this is of any importance or not, but for some reason I thought of the main character as a little older. Don’t know why. But this was a great way to get some background information in about the story and hint at (what I’m guessing to be) some serious issues surrounding a certain bracelet. Lol. Again, another wonderful chapter. Can’t wait to read the next one.

BenicetoLance,Imeanit.

Ha.

I finally got up off my lazy horse and decided to read today. I've only managed to make it through Chapter One right now, but it's a good start for a story. xD As I go on I hope it stays consistent, you write well in a first person perspective for this genre, which intrigues me. xD Your descriptions are still as smooth as ever, though I'll have to admit to a few instances where I spotted odd wording, or became confused. xD

I loved the overall chapter, but the beginning was slightly hazy and confusing. I couldn't situate myself easily - though that's not to say it's poorly written, actually the opposite- I think that when you go through and edit, the beginning itself may need a bit of fine tuning to help situate where the reader is in all of this and what the main character is doing. xD It was a tad confusing.

The only other big thing I noticed might have been this: "Do I put you in the mind of an obedient Bellan princess?” It's a little bit awkward, the way it's worded, though I understand what's being said. xD Might be good to just go ahead and reword it though to keep it smooth. As for everything else, I love how your style reminds me so much of Pierce- it makes me so happy. xD And so far I like where the story is going. xD I'm going to continue reading it so yay! xD

Ok, you are NOT cheating Emily! You *will* finish! As will I.

And I hate Gareth, but that scene was amazing. His "bad guy" meter totally went down with Mr. Bearton. Seriously. But I was laughing hysterically at them, which is bad because my entire house is quiet.

I liked this chapter though. Aralyn's character is very full now. She's a strong one. :)

and the best line in this whole thing: "I don't trust Ana." HAHAHAHAH!

~Katelyn

I've had this story in my favorites forever to bookmark it, as I always thought I'd read it later. It always slipped my mind.

Until last night. And I've read the whole thing since then. And therefore, I have a request. I need you to update it again tomorrow, and every day after, until the day before I die, when you can end it. That way I get an amazing story every day of my life, and I'm not hanging on suspense when I croak. Deal?

Great story. :3

You silly girl, you do not suck at action-driven plot!

I liked this chapter. Very cutesy between Lance and Aralyn and they should have kissed, for teh record.

The only part that seemed only a bit confusing was the "fight" I guess you could call it? I was lost but managed to find my way back again. Very nicely done, regardless.

And I can see right through Farram's guise! He's only saving face. He doesnt care about Lance!

(And in your edit, you might want to distant him more from Lance to show that failed relationship)

And I felt a twinge of happiness at the fact that Gareth was hurt.

As such, I demand that you update. :) Great chapter, Emily!

~Katelyn

Wow. I'm not sure if I trust Farram or what, but there's definitely an air of mystery surrounding him. Excellent job.

And I feel so bad for Arayln but I'm glad she has Lance :) BE NICE TO HIM! >.< threatening glance

This chapter definitely flowed very well with precision and great style. I really enjoyed it. Roderick is to be watched I do believe.

And for the record, Saxen is awesome. (Except now I keep thinking about what you said in regards to your expectations of Gareth and Saxen...)

"and I hard nothing save for the twitter of birds"--should be "heard"

"If we leave, they’ll leave this people alone.”--should be "these"

Per your A/N...I thought you did well at "action-driven plot" ;-D. I could definitely feel that you got more into your story towards the end, the overall pacing became much quicker (which it should with an action scene :-D).

I look forward to more frequent updates :-D

Oh...and I want her to end up with Gareth! :-D

More than halfway done? REALLY? That's sad :-(. I don't want it to end! And I'm looking forward to more of Gareth :-D

Only one small mistake that I caught (although I wasn't really looking...)"I knew I have."--should be "know"

Can't wait for the next chapter! :-D

Yeah! You updated! I seriously almost PM'd you this morning because I was thinking it had been a long time since there had been a new chapter and I was scared you had abandoned the story. I'm so glad that is not the case!

This was another great chapter...lots of wonderful information and for the most part very well written!

There were a few paragraphs that FP messed up the spacing with that made it difficult to read. It began with: "Once again I stole a glance at Ana." and ended with: “Well, well. Look who’s brave enough to show up here—”

And there were a few paragraphs that had some word redundancy (One example that comes to mind is when she is talking about Lance's hatred for Ana...you used the word "hatred" 3 or 4 times in that paragraph--try mixing it up a bit with "animosity" or "loathing" or something...)

But overall, I loved it. Please update again soon!

Oh...and more Gareth please :-D.

EMILY!
So glad that you updated :)
I really liked the bits with Ana. She's quite the character. I especially liked the spot when she disagreed about being "harmless"

For the record, I love Aralyn. Did I see a hint of Isabel in her in there, or was that my imagination? haha

I also enjoyed seeing a bit of Peace By Piece in there :)

The ending was crazy! What a bomb to drop!

Wonderful update my dear :) I shall retract my flying monkeys now :) ahha but if you fail to update again soon, I shall have to release them again. *Insert evil laugh here* LOVED IT! haha

Interesting! /Very/ interesting!

You know, it takes a lot for a summary to have me click anything, but yours caught my eye like a black sheep. You pull off first-person far better than most writers I've seen, and I have one heck of a time liking first-person, but your protagonist is far more adorable and interesting than most who lead a first-person story (I usually find it annoying to listen to them all the time, but not here!), so it's far less stressful for me to read it, and rather very enjoyable ;w;.

And, I'm already loving this idea. There's so much mystery! Who are these people? What's going on? Who are those strange men? So many questions, I can't even collect them all.

I personally think that making readers adore characters instantly is one hard and rare storytelling skill. Takes a lot of practice, and a lot of understanding. Still, it took me about two sentences to fall madly in love with Aralyn, and Lance had me swooning by the first letter of the first word that came out of his mouth xD.

I already love this to pieces. Fantastic first chapter, very eye-catching and makes me really want to find out what happens next, and how this fairytale ends!