LOL i love this story already! brilliant stuff! :)

Fourth block, about the eigth line down there's some basketball terminology that's a bit off. Really I only see small editorial errors (sentences that begin with "but", fragent sentences) within the first page of the first chapter. I also feel it's a bit cliche to give all the members of her "family" such exotic names- by the way, this is original fiction, not fanfic!

Now I get to say everything I loved about this story!

I like how Iris was written, not a Mary Sue. She's missing the "point" of sports and being selfish, but you're still able to sympathize with her.

While Cypress right now just appears to be a foil of Iris as well as someone to confide in, Jem's motives and how they were gradually explained were interesting. He felt like an average father-figure until one realized he didn't want this anymore. All-importantly, that he was tired.

I still feel like I haven't "met" Titus and Harker, so I can't wait to see what they get into!

very nice, I love how Iris meets Greenway. By the way,you forgot your punctuation after expecting in the 5th from last paragraph thing.

I enjoyed this a lot. It's similar to other things I've read but different enough to be interesting. I would like to know more about the Ciclipses (Cicilipsi?) and what exactly they do. Maybe you could be more descriptive about the characters because after all this is the first couple of chapters. But it's good. Keep it up.